How could I possibly resist that blog title

This is the story of when I went to see The Hobbit.

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The plan was to go see it in our local cinema, which is tiny but probably good enough. But my brother is a bit of a stickler for quality and suggested we instead drive 3 hours off to the nearest city to see it in 3D This actually was a good call because I really enjoyed the film and was glad of the higher quality, even with the intervening 3 hours of uncomfortable car ride between.

The trip out was easy enough, though I did feel a little queazy as I often do in cars. And we arrived early giving us time to wander about the various shops near to the cinema. I spotted a shop gilr struggling to carry some clothing rack frames and spent so long considering the connetations of offering to help that the oppertunity passed me by lol as they so often do sadly I have yet to overcome my incredible ability to get caught in thought rather than just taking action and seeing what happens.

Out side there were some very cool clouds too:

During the wander about we found a Maplin which had some very cool little tool keychains for only £1 each couldn’t possibly resist those so we got a few each:

Then it was film time and the cinema was thankfull pretty empty so not that many rattlers or talkers. The fim as I said was brilliant! very nicely constructed to add more filmic qualities to the books story and also extend it since it is a little short perhaps for the same level of detail Peter Jackson wanted. One amusing thing that happened at the start when all the Dwarfs were arriving was after 12 were there and the final knock came at the door a chap behind us whispered under his breath ‘Thorin’ hehe :] it was nice to hear someone who was so into it.

After the film it was shopping time and as we entered the large Tesco there was a whole crowd of Starlings on the sign

Before the film my bro and mum had found a pet store and suggested I go check out the critters while they shopped, so off I went to find it.

There were Bunnies

And Hamsters…or maybe Gerbils not sure.

Rather attractive tiny fish

But best of all…

Some lovely lizards and a few snakes even. Plus plenty of little kids either saying ‘awww’ or ‘eewww’ depending on the tank they were looking into lol

After a quick wander about the pet shop (and some sneaky photography) I headed back to the Tesco, had the always fun task of locating people I knew in the vast area, by wandering at a fast walk through the central corrider of isles with a de-focused stare trying to spot familar shapes and coats and eventually caught up with everyone.

Then after all the shopping and packing and general hassle, it was back home time. 3 more hours in the car, but at night this time which makes it less sickening for me. And just as we came back near to home we decided to stop at an Indian restaruant to pick up some food…then just thought ‘why not stay here and eat?’ so ended up having a lovely selection of curry dishes. Mine was lamb with a sweet sauce that had honey in it :] it was amazing…and best of all the restaruant didn’t list a website address on it’s brochure, so if i’m lucky I might be able to get some work out of the whole adventure

And that was it, we got home in the mist and pouring rain. Unpacked and crashed out.

Once again and perhaps for the final time as i’m slightly pushing it on the 2nd already…HAPPY NEWYEAR

So here is how my 31st 2012 and beginning of 1st 2013 went:

 

Oh dear my memory is already fading for the morning of the 31st…errm I think I woke sometime around either 8am or 10am, might even have been 7:30am.

As is usual when my bro has gotten up early to head off and hang out at a stables he’s been helping out at. I stagger through and get my machine on ready to get on with work…or most likely various social networks first then work

Then teeth and splash my face with the bare minimum of ice cold tap water :S

After that I got on the PC and responded to various messages, comments and other random stuff until my dad finally got up and I could start thinking about breakfast.

With breakfast we have been listening to the Dune books on audio so far we are on The God Emperor and have been blowen away by the writing ability of Frank Herbert. So there was about 40 mins of that with toast and plenty coffee.

Then back on the system for more computer stuff, pretty sure I chatted with some folks for a while too.

Hours passed as they have a habit of doing and eventually my bro and mum came home and we all settled in for a nice quiet NewYears eve. There was plenty good food, though I can’t really recall what it was o.O and more importantly a good full glass and a bit of mulled wine which was lovely and followed up with more of the same wine, not mulled but with some added suger (it wasn’t very good wine -_-) during all this we watched a large amount of the tv show Malcolm in the Middle, which has HUNDREDS of episodes so we just kept going egged on by my dads addictive TV watching style

Eventually about an hour from midnight we got tired of endless MITM and me and my bro headed upstairs to try something different. He vanished into his iDevice addiction and I got into Hitman Blood Money to bring in the new year while assassinating people :/

Fortunately my brother noticed the time and with only half an hour to spare he suggested we do something better than this and off we went out into the cool, breezy but bright night. Just across from our house and road there is a hill, lovingly called ‘Mighty Mountain’ by us, since it was might when we were small and you still can’t get up it without running out of breath.

Atop this ‘mountain’ we lit a small but effective fire (with some smoke eating and struggle due to the wind) and there we sat with a couple of wheat beers surrounded by the quiet moon bright landscape as midnight drew closer wearing our Steve Zissou Intern hats

Then with only 5 mins to spare we heard the call of our dad and spotted that both my mum and dad had come out to join in. So I rushed off and checked my mum was okay coming up then grabbed my dads Zissou hat (got to complete the team and ran back up the hill, almost killing myself -_-

And just in time at the strike of 00:00 we were all there, on our little hill lit by the moon and a tiny but comforting fire

It was really very lovely, being able to sit in such wonderful peace and quiet with the people I am closest to in my life and welcome in another year. Esspecially a year I hope to be one of change for the life I’ve always known.

Sorry for the poor quality of images, but the light the next day was bad.

After a few hours up on the hill the fire died and we wandered down, my parents went off to visit an elderly neighbour and we headed in to listen to a few tracks of music.

Including this one:

Then at somewhere around 1am we headed to sleep

And that was my welcome into 2013 it was quiet and not really that eventful but I really loved it

 

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It’s the eve of a brand new Year!

And once again we have all survived this years End of the World story, it’s lucky we are such a lucky race despite all our best efforts we keep on going haha

But this post is about not the end of the world or really the end of the year but about something equally important…Me lol

 

For the past 20 years or so I have somehow managed to pretty much stay the same. I have largely done the same things, known the same people, lived in the same place and over most of that time I’ve been pretty damn content. Life has not been perfect (very few are) but I’ve really not wanted to make much of a change in all that time.

But nothing stays the same for ever and over the last 2 years not only have things begun to change but more importantly I’ve begun wanting them to. I am no longer content with my life and I can forsee that now would be the time to begin acting with far more focus if I want to get those few things I can agree within myself that I do want.

So yes the world at large survived 2012 and its apocalyptic possibilities, but I did not.

And to be honest i’m rather glad I didn’t, too much change is scary…but not enough is a slow death.

So 2013 for me will be a year of changes and events, I had hoped that would happen more for 2012, but I can see that I was still holding onto my previous life and mind for most of this year. 2013 however I shall do my very best not to hold on anymore.

To all I wish a very fine year! May all your dreams and wishes be fulfilled to your highest good and the good of the world and those around you.

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Nothing to write about at the moment So instead of a post here is a bunch of Flight of the Concord songs

Took me a long time to not be way too uncomfortable to enjoy their songs lol but finally after re-watching the series a few times I can admit I really quite like some of them plus they are actually very cleverly written and even good to listen to hehe

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First of all my favourite

And now a disturbing but hilarious one

Something a bit more romantic <3

Bowie in space baby!

Very VERY Friendly men

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Well thats probably as much Concrods as anyone can take in one sitting hehe

But did you know that Jemaine Clement plays the baddie in MIB 3? he’s hard to spot for a while but it’s a brilliant role

Anyway Happy Newyear one and all! maybe i’ll come up with a 2013 post…but I somehow doubt it.

Sorry to say that Christmas is just another day for me this year, nothing exciting has happened no great plans are afoot.

I got myself a gift though

Dead or Alive 5 for the Xbox, and I managed to fix my Xbox which had succumbed to the RROD (Red Rings of Death) so I’ve been rather enjoying this game. Which while on the outside may look like a thinly veiled excuse to play a game with a large quantity of extremely well endowed scantily clad women the fact is thats just a bonus for a really well designed and complex fighting system…really it is

And the other fun thing to come is that I will with luck be seeing the Hobbit soon in our local Cinema.

TheCinema is tiny and really not that great…but it is bigger than the screens at home and I’m quite looking forwards to it By the way no thats not one of the Dwarves, thats the portrait I chose for my Halfling character in an old and awesome computer game called Baldur’s Gate

And other than that I will be here, probably having a quiet time of it with my folks. May your Christmasses/Xmas/Holidays whatever you want to call them be what you wish them to be

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Might try a poem now…not sure what it’s going to be about though, as yet…so it’ll be a nice surprise

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Once

I

was a single

I

Then I chose a concious lie

and split apart into three.

Heart

Mind

And body.

 

The Mind got loose and built great walls

Hoping to protect us all.

The Heart got quiet and subtly still

Prefering to wait and will.

The Body lost its voice and both its guides

loyaly waiting for their call.

And

I

was imprinted on it all.

 

Each one of me went here and there

Finding joys, fears and care

Sometimes we’d meet and try to get along

But our simpatico was all but gone.

 

Then one day

I

Felt so low

Empty

Drained

About to blow

and

I

wondered where did

me

Go?

 

So giving my mind something shiny to catch

A swinging ticking ornate watch.

And giving my heart something to feel

Flowing, glowing softly light.

Placing my body in aware repose

Muscles calm almost asleep, folded hands and crossed feet.

 

And I searched and searched and hoped

Had I lost the golden rope?

My mind dropped into despair, no logical structure could be there.

My Heart turned to stone, perhaps the light of love had flown.

My body ached and struggled to move, bored and used to habits whip.

 

And then in all my lost confusion

I

Realised my mistake.

I

Wasn’t lost, it wasn’t too late

I

Was there

I

Always was.

Sitting quiet behind it all

I

Had be playing myself the fool.

Shattering glass to see the play, of reflected me’s running in different ways.

But no matter the chaos and labyrinthine lines

I

Was there all this time.

 

Sinking for a sacred moment, my mind had peace, my heart knew love, my body curled within the hand above.

Together we knew me and

I

Was smiling from the sky.

 

It won’t last, we’ll take our seperate paths

We must.

But now I know in

My mind

My Heart

My body

We are a soul.

~~~

Merry Xmas to you all

It is not for us to reason why, it is but for us to do and die.

So young soldiers will be heard to cry as they let their bullets fly.

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I was listening to the audio book of the Dune Saga recently and it is a truly awesome experiance Frank Herbert is a masterful author as many i’m sure already know.

But along with the skill of story writing and the entertaining complexity of his world he also has a pretty impressive amount of wisdom to empart through out the books.

One little nugget (of many MANY that i’ve sadly already forgotten) was along the lines of purpose and the meaning of our lives.

The gist of it was that while we are all always seeking a ‘reason’ or a ‘purpose’ humanity in fact can never have such a solid answer. Paul the original protagonist of the first Dune book gains the ability of Oracle. By which I mean he is no longer limited to seeing the present and the past only, he is able to look forwards into the myriad potential futures.

But this ability ends up destroying him in a sense because we as humans are ment to be always seeking, always learning and exploring. It is our purest nature.

This nature drives us to always be dissatisfied and frustrated, looking endlessly for ‘The Answer’ or a purpose. But what we fail to spot is the paradox staring us right in the face.

Our purpose IS that sensation of desire for answers, the seeking is our most sought after expression of humanity. To be burdened with absolute knowledge of what is to come and of our purpose is a terrible thing that would rob us of any sense of joy or peace. As is so beautifully expressed in the first three Dune books Pauls prescience becomes like a tramline driving him towards an inescapeable series of events that he has to live the memories of over and over well before they ever happen.

I love the kind of books that look on the surface like a story about space empires and giant worms…and then turn out to be jam packed with incredible complex and enlightening conversation about the nature of life, reality and the mind hehe

Despite having known something similar to this concept before, the two or three line quote that was in the book, perfecly encapsulated it for me and has given me a much needed sense of peace for a while.

So bottom line…yay for books!

Get the pun? hehehehe

Got this Survey from @naughty_virgin

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—————DESCRIBE——————
[x] The shoes you wore today: Green Wellies
[x] Your eyes: Brown
[x] Your fears: Climbing and Running out of time.

—————–WHAT IS——————
[x] Your most overused phrase on aim: ‘Catch Ya later’ probably, thats the only one i’ve noticed myself saying a lot recently.
[x] Your thoughts first waking up: Timer please don’t ring, let it be the middle of the night still.
[x] The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: Hair and facial structure I think.
[x] Your best physical feature: Huh never thought about it before, my height probably will be what most notice.
[x] Your bedtime: Somewhere around midnight.
[x] Your most missed memory: Long free days to hang out with my bro and play computer games or walk and talk.

—————–DO YOU——————
[x] Smoke Cigarettes: No
[x] Curse: Almost never unless made up ones count. But in my head I can be akin to a drunk sailor hehe
[x] Take a shower everyday: Good lord no…do you have any idea how cold our shower room is??!
[x] Have any crushes?: Yes ^_^
[x] Who are they: I’ll keep that to myself for now
[x] Do you think you’ve been in love?: Yes, but I couldn’t say for sure.
[x] Want to go to college: No I don’t think so.
[x] Like high school: Never been, probably would have though.
[x] Want to get married: Yes
[x] Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: Huh?…errm i’m not a touch typer but I amn damn quick with two or more fingers by now
[x] Believe in yourself: It comes and goes, most of the time yes…but deep down I have some confidence issues i think.
[x] Get motion sickness: Only if I look down and try to read stuff in the car, otherwise no.
[x] Think you’re a health freak: Haha No, but i’m not unhealthy.
[x] Get along with your parents: Very well
[x] Like thunderstorms: Hmm yes! they are deep and effect us in a sort of primordial way, feels scary but nice.

————IN THE PAST MONTH HAVE YOU————–
[x] Gone to the mall: Nope, no Malls for miles.
[x] Eaten sushi: No.
[x] Been on stage: No...only in a computer game
[x] Been dumped:No.
[x] Gone skating: No. But it is icy here.
[x] Made homemade cookies: No.
[x] Dyed your hair: No.
[x] Stolen anything: No…errm well depends on if you count digital stuff :/

—————–HAVE YOU EVER——————
[x] Flown on a plane: Yes
[x] Missed school because it was raining?: No, hard to since I never went to it also here it’s always raining lol
[x] Told a guy/girl that you liked them?: Yes, sort of.
[x] Cried during a movie?: Oh yes, quite a few will get me a bit misty.
[x] Ever thought an animated character was hot?: Yes…lots, either in Japanese animes or digitally in games
[x] Had an imaginary friend: Loads! and loads and LOADS lol
[x] Cut your hair: My Mum does it
[x] Had crush on a teacher?: Nope, another thing i’ve missed out from School hehe
[x] Been called a tease: Errm I hope not :S
[x] Gotten beaten up?: No.
[x] Been in a fight: Not a real one, just one or two minor spats between brothers i guess.
[x] Shoplifted: Yes, intentionally and with malice of fore thought haha But it was only something very minor and I was quite young. Never did it again though.

—————–THE FUTURE——————
[x] Age you hope to be married: Errm Already past kind of lol but I’ll stick it at 30 now.
[x] Number of children: Two
[x] Describe your dream wedding: Never thought I’d feel this way but I sort of like the idea of the ceremony, so i’d quite like somekind of event. Not thought about it much beyond that though.
[x] How do you want to die?: In full awareness.
[x] What do you want to be when you grow up?: Hahaha I’ve never known, but for now I think a father.
[x] What country would you most like to visit?: Right now it’s Thailand…but the list is growning everday

—————–FUTURE PARTNER——————
[x] Best eye color: I really like Grey best, but blue and green are also nice.
[x] Best hair color: Black or Red.
[x] Short or long hair: Long
[x] Best height: Don’t really mind everyone is going to be short to me
[x] Best weight: Healthy and comfortable.
[x] Best first date location: Hmm somewhere relaxing for both parties.
[x] Best first kiss location: Hehe pretty sure anywhere would be perfect.

—————–NUMBER OF—————–
[x] Number of people I could trust my life with: Depends on what i’m trusting them with, I’ve gotten into the habit of holding myself back from even those i’m closest to at times. But over all I trust many people.
[x] Number of CDs that I own: Loads, but i’ve also aquired access to many more digital versions of musics from various locations.
[x] Number of piercings: I am unpunctured.
[x] Number of tattoos: None
[x] Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: lol I doubt ever, infact I have yet to see another ‘Bede’ in any TV or film credit yet.

—————DO YOU BELIEVE IN————–
[x] Yourself: Yes, at times.
[x] Your friends: Very much.
[x] True love: Yes.
[x] Soul mates: I think it could be possible, but it’s not an either or type deal.
[x] Destiny/Fate: Yes…but again I don’t think it is the only thing in action, there can be both fate and freedom at the same time.
[x] Angels: Errm I believe there may be expressions of energy that could be percieved as Angels.
[x] Ghosts: Not that they are people who have died…but again they may be other expressions of energy.
[x] UFO’s: Yes, the universe is too vast not to have other life…they most likely haven’t ever been here though, but I really rather hope some show up someday
[x] God: Yes.

————FRIENDS AND LIFE——————
[x] Do you ever wish you had another name?: No I love my name, and i’ve had plenty others while playing games
[x] Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?: No
[x] Do you like anyone?: Yes
[x] Which one of your friends acts the most like you?: Errm tricky question, not sure anyone is too much like me, there are echoes in many people I know but I suppose my brother is the one i’m most like and conversly the most different from me.
[x] Are you close to any family member?: Yes my Brother but also my mum and dad.
[x] What’s the best feeling in the world?: The pure flow of inspiration.
[x] Worst Feeling?: Frustration.

As unbelievable as it was to enter 2012 now we are suddenly at its end o.O and heading for 2013…comeon! 2013!!!

Where oh where are our hover cars >.<

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This year has been over all a good one for me. No i’m not where I really hoped or wanted to be by the end of 2012 but personally I have grown and learned more about myself than I imagined I would and I hope to face 2013 with new purpose and direction. Still can’t shake the creeping sensation that nothing really matters and what will be will be…but with a bit of focus i’ll try an not let that unhorse me as it so often did this year.

Even if I have to ‘fake it till I make it’ I know that one way or another change has to be the order of 2013 and I will be bending all the will I can muster towars that goal.

I guess this would be a good place to list some resolutions but since i’ve not really ever taken those seriously I won’t make it a big thing.

Basically this is what has to happen to some extent in 2013 for me:

1: Earn money – The biggest focus of my life right at the moment, because so far i’ve just somehow not managed it. Perhaps a little here and there but in such quantities that would easily be wiped out by a couple nights on the town :/ Fortunately this means that my idea of money is vastly less than that of the avarage, and so even a few extra £100 will end up feeling like a fortune

2: Become and stay fitter – Thanks to a rather fun Isometric Workout system I am actually sticking to a regular workout, and feeling the results. So fingers crossed against any unforseen events (such as my last flu shot that put me out of action for a couple weeks) I will be progressing with a more rounded level of fitness, not just good walking legs.

3: Find my Purpose – A bit of a big concept, but an important one. I’ve no idea what it is I truly love doing. They all say do waht you love and the rest will follow (like money and happiness etc) but what if you have lived 27 (almost 28) years and still have no f***ing idea? Well perhaps i’ve just not been trying hard enough, so i’m going to do my damndest to explore my interests more, hone my skills in one direction not a million at once and try to find that one thing (if I even have one) that really fires me up.

Well those will do for now, so onto the pics since i’ve waffled enough for one post

Alone but not lonely.

A place where nothing seems to change, as time rushes by.

Breath taking beauty, hidden in life taking cold.

Un-bowed by time.

Despite a life of solitude and observation, there is always something new.

 

On this last day, share what you do after you’ve had a bad day to cheer yourself up, or get yourself feeling positive again.

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Huh Day 7 already o.O that went fast.

Today turning a frown upside down, how do I change my mood from gloom to…errm bloom?

Well bad poems and puns help for one

I’ve only really struggled that much with feeling sad for long periods of time recently, as in the last few years.

Before I guess I had enough distractions or was blissfully ignorant enough to not feel to bad for too long

 

But now I think my main mood altering actions are:

Playing computer games. Being a bit of a nerd this is of course a perfect source of escapism and mood boosting past time, you can quickly get lost in the digital world and all other concerns fade, plus you get plenty of small achievements to boost your happy chem releases while playing

Music. A classic mood changer, just pop some fun tracks on and even get up and get moving and you’ll be in a different mood in moments.

Workout. Pretty rare for me but always works to get the happy chems flowing.

Water. This one I’ve known about for a while but don’t often have to use it. But if you have a very strong emotional state going on, anger, sadness…anything really. Go splash your face (or have a shower) and notice how the contact of water instantly changes your mental state and brings clarity, intersting and useful if you are really angry.

I think thats the main ways I’ll sort out bad moods, but my mind being what it is I also tend to become aware during various emotional states and realise that even the sucky ones i’ve kind of chosen and in a strange paradoxical way I am actually secretly enjoying the sensation of whatever mood it is. Bad or good they all serve a purpose, so sometimes I might just kind of indulge in the mood whatever it is just because it has as much right to be there as the happy ones.

Oh also more recently talking to folsk online tends to put me in a good mood

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Well thats it for the week always enjoy these challenges, hope everyone is having a posetive week!

On this last day, share what you do after you’ve had a bad day to cheer yourself up, or get yourself feeling positive again.

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Today is music day!

Hmm but what song shall I share…

Well I’ll pop a couple in here since there are a few suggesting themselves:

To start this is a recent discovery from a collection of Baroque music – Fandango by Antonio Soler. And even if you are not a fan of this sort of thing I suggest just closing your eyes and listening to the complexity and joy written into the construction of this incredible bit of music. I don’t understand it in any musical way…but just listening to it makes me smile

Mayako Sone – Fandango – Antonio Soler by o-m-o-o

 And of course how could I not stick this one back up (I know i’ve posted it a lot recently but it’s awesome)

 Yep super cheesy I know but not only is Louis Armstrong an incredible musician but this song despite its over use and cliched nature is still a wonderfully happy and pleasing thing to listen to.

 And since we are in the Mood for Louis now this one which is the song that first got me hooked on his music, since it was on the intro of a brilliant computer game. It is a lovely song that has many good connections for me in my mind…and it’s also nice on its own merits.

 I could probably go on, Computer Love by Kraftwerk is a good one for me since it’s pretty much my favourite song ever. Or some of the VERY un cool but fun german disco hits of Fancy, also the strange but up beat funk of John Scatman give me a lift.

But i’ll leave it at this collection for now
 Have a fun monday all!