All I seem to have time for anymore is quick updates and this time I’m not even on my computer, just using the phone app.

I want to write stuff and be creative with the last few days of Xanga, but that all takes time which so far I’ve not had.

Currently gathering cash for college and looking into bursaries and that sort of thing.

Doing cleaning still and really quite enjoying it, also lots of cycling which is good fun and great exercise. Been changing my daily habits quite a bit too, means I’m missing my family and particularly my brother, but on the plus side I’ve gotten to spend time with others that I’ve really valued.

If I can get round to it I must write some more fiction, a book review or two and some other fun things if possible but I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for me.

Also I’ve seen a film called Manborg three times now and if you too can say that then you are a true film nerd lol or have as low standards as myself and I salute you

Other pics are a couple meals I made recently and a garden I helped sort out

Be well, I’m up at 4:45am tomorrow for a what looks likely to be 10 mile rather damp cycle…oh yay

Oh no you don’t

No matter how long you’ve known someone, or how close you are we can never actually and totally ‘know’ someone I don’t think.

Because who we are and what we believe, think, feel is a constantly changing thing heck most of the time I doubt we even know ourselves well enough to tell someone else.

It’s not easy when you realise those you held most dear can become strangers in a matter of moments, strikes me the only way to handle it is with acceptance, tolerance and the understanding that you are the only one you can actually stand a chance of understanding.

The old advice of “just be yourself” thats what really counts. It’s so easy to get lost in trying to be someone else or be what you think others want when in reality all you’ve got is you and thats more than complex enough to require a life time to figure out.

Thats not to say be selfish, but just don’t be afraid to stick to your guns and relax. It’ll make both you and those you deal with more at ease.

For my up coming college work i’m going to have to seriously brush up on my maths skills, they’ve never been a major focus of my life and at the moment ain’t that hot so the next little while i’m going to need to find a good way to sharpen my skills with maths, numbers and all that sort of thing.

So my question is, what has helped you really get to grips with mathematics in your life?

What techniques, books, concepts, tips, tricks all that sort of thing?

Any suggestions would be gratefully received

Been off to Edinburgh last Thursday, stayed over Thursday night and also Friday night to be back on Saturday.

While there I was going to another College Interview and on the morning of Friday I had to walk across the city to find the College. I could have taken a bus but thought the walk would be nice…and it was!

I ended up walking up to Arthurs Seat, which is a view point on a large hill in the middle of Edinburgh. Despite having been to the city a few times I’d never actually been up there before and it was really quite a nice place to have a quick breakfast.

Me sitting on the top of the mountain, thats my fancy outfit…I only have one

Below the summit there is a nice green field and it would seem there is a tradition of writing in stones on the grass

Lucky Eve <3

There was a slight misunderstanding with my interview and in the end the guy I was meeting had to wake me up as i’d gone to sleep in the reception lol But he was a lovely chap and it all went well.

Then I took a bus back into town and met up with my Cousin who lives in the city. Sadly on the way I walked down the main high street…and managed to spend more money than I should, well comeon I couldn’t just walk past a sweet shoop could I??!

Eventually I met up with him and went to a little bar to have a quick beer with him and his work mates. But it really was a quick drink as the person who I was staying with had gotten me a ticket to a night of music, poetry and animated films that was on. So I downed my beer, left my sweets by way of apology for my quick departure and rushed off to meet up at the venue.

Managed to get there despite a bit of a long bus trip and some running between stops

The evening of art and culture was actually pretty cool, there was a few little animated films which were odd but okay. Then some poems which were quite good, in particular a very fired up Glasgow guy who really put some showmanship into his readings. Then there was some music which was also quite good…and of course plenty beer between artists.

Afterwards we (the person I was staying with and her friends) headed off to a near by bar and had a quiet evening of chatting and enjoying a few more drinks. By the time 1am rolled on I was pretty knackered and thankfully so was my host since i’d left my spare key in my room. So we walked her little dog back through a lovely quiet park…had to chase the little dog after he got hold of a pen -_- couldn’t catch him but managed to outwit him eventually

Was asleep pretty quick that night and up and gone at 7:30 to catch my 8:25 bus.

The trip to the station was a little stressful as I found not only did I not have sufficent change for a bus, but there were no shops open for change and I really rather needed a bathroom. So there was a few mins of painful speedwalking until I came across a public toilets and then only just managed to reach my station before the bus boarded…I even had time for a mint caramel square and a coffee though I did have to chug the coffee quite quick.

And that was me back off home, to be honest I slept most of the journey back. But overall it was a nice little break away.

This recent Xanga-pocalypse event has made me think about going down with your ship and that sort of thing.

Obviously i’ve never had to actually test this, but I feel as though given a life and death situation I’d basically approach it with this sort of intention:

Do what you can to survive.

My belief system runs like this, life (or certainly this current point of perception) is a gift and one of immense value, yet it is fragile and oh so very temporary. So we must do everything in our power to do it justice. This means to me that if at all possible we should hold onto our lives and do with them as much as seems fit. Perhaps there is more beyond this life and if there is it almost certainly is the longer part of our existense which only adds to my desire to hold onto my life.

I don’t think i’m afraid of death infact I am quite intruged by it as a concept but this does not mean I atall welcome it.

Now the other important thing is that although my over riding intention would always be to survive, this does not mean I would climb over others to do so. I would not allow others to intentionally end my life without meeting their intention with an equal ferocity to survive but I would give my all to help those around me so long as in that attempt it did not certainly mean my own end.

Perhaps if the person was important enough to me like a very close loved one or child I would give up my life for them, or perhaps if it were my life for that of many thousands I might consider it. But the problem is that the only thing I know for sure is my own perception and if it all turns out that that was all there was it would sort of be like commiting suicide to save a computer game sprite…noble perhaps within the game world but totally insane once you get up from the computer chair, if you follow my metaphore.

But it is an interesting thought game, consider your avarage disaster movie…would you be the hero? risking his life for others?

Perhaps the cold survivalist? taking every opertunity to save yourself regardless of others?

Maybe the freedom of suicide guy? taking crazy risks due to the extremes of the situation and a lack of self concern.

Or there is the coward, letting others take the risks while you hide or run.

Unfortunately it’s one of those things you can’t know until you’ve done it, and i’ve thankfully never had to do it but if I were to make a synopsis of what I would imagine my charcter in those situations to be it would be perhaps something like:

A Cooperative Survivalist. I’d do what I could for the group up to the limit of self sacrifice.

“Don’t know where don’t know when, but we’ll meet again some sunny day”

Thanks to the excellent Dr.Strangelove that song always reminds me of atomic apocalypse lol but that feels appropriate to the end of Xanga.

This site has been a massive part of my life for the last two+ years, I’ve met many of my closest and best friends here. It was my first social circle and has helped me through a lot in the time I’ve been here, I honestly wouldn’t be the person I am today without Xanga and all the amazing, creative, kind and interesting people I’ve met here.

Thank you all and thank you Xanga for being there when I needed something, it breaks my heart to think that this place will no longer exist.

Many of my closest friends I already have on other networks thank heavens, but for those that I may not have contact with please do get in touch on one of the other networks you can find me on:

Twitter, Pinterest, hubpages: Digitskyes
Tumblr: Another World (Digitskyes)
Instagram: Saintblue1131
Bliphoto: Saintblue (not used this yet but kind of want to get into it)
FB: Bede Batters

Usually try to limit the amount of other networks I share at one time but what the hell, everyone I’ve met here have been interesting and supportive so add me, tumble me, follow me…whatever just try not to stalk me ;P

Be well and I hope to keep in touch with as many of my friends and subs as possible, even if we didn’t know each other well your comments and blogs have all helped make this place feel like home