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  • Tunes Tuesday #3

    Holy Moles! it’s Tuesday!!! :D

    Almost forgot.

    Today we are going back in time way back to the 50′s and the classic sounds of Buddy Holly.

    I have a bit of a soft spot for this sort of music and much like Early Jazz once I got a taste for it I was hooked. This song is one of my favourites of his despite it being a little bit chauvinistic sounding to be honest o.O but then it was the 50′s -_- and it’s the piano I love the song for :]

    Well, that’ll be the day, when you say goodbye
    Yes, that’ll be the day, when you make me cry
    You say you’re gonna leave, you know it’s a lie
    ‘Cause that’ll be the day when I die

    Well, you give me all your lovin’ and your turtle dovin’
    All your hugs and kisses and your money too
    Well, you know you love me baby
    Until you tell me, maybe
    That some day, well I’ll be through

    Well, that’ll be the day, when you say goodbye
    Yes, that’ll be the day, when you make me cry
    You say you’re gonna leave, you know it’s a lie
    ‘Cause that’ll be the day when I die

    [Instrumental Interlude]

    Well, that’ll be the day, when you say goodbye
    Yes, that’ll be the day, when you make me cry
    You say you’re gonna leave, you know it’s a lie
    ‘Cause that’ll be the day when I die

    Well, when Cupid shot his dart
    He shot it at your heart
    So if we ever part and I leave you
    You sit and hold me and you tell me boldly
    That some day, well I’ll be blue

    Well, that’ll be the day, when you say goodbye
    Yes, that’ll be the day, when you make me cry
    You say you’re gonna leave, you know it’s a lie
    ‘Cause that’ll be the day when I die

    Well, that’ll be the day, hoo-hoo
    That’ll be the day, hoo-hoo
    That’ll be the day, hoo-hoo
    That’ll be the day

    And why not a second one for luck since his stuff is so short and because it’s another much more innocent and lovely song :)

    Heartbeat – why do you miss when my baby kisses me?
    heartbeat – why does a love kiss stay in my memory?
    Piddle dee pat – I know that new love thrills me
    I know that true love will be
    Heartbeat – why do you miss when my baby kisses me?
    Heartbeat – why do you skip when my baby’s lips meet mine?
    heartbeat – why do you flip then give me a skip beat sign?
    Piddle dee pat – and sing to me love stories
    and bring to me love’s glories
    Heartbeat – why do you miss when my baby kisses me?

     

  • Easy

    Having not been able to post on here as much as I’ve wanted recently I end up thinking…’What I need is something quick and easy to post’

    And immediately my mind goes to a poem…but poems are not easy o.O I guess it must just be evidence of my lack of skill in them perhaps, since i tend to go at poetry with a entirely random ‘do it on the night’ attitude.

    Ah well let’s see how it goes today :) also what’s your go to post type for a place holder or to satiate that need to update?

    =====Living Disorder=====

    Grey brown, leaf mould ground. Silent twigs bare and cold, all green and growing things seem old.

    But waiting there behind the rot, nestled in the living root. There is life and spring and bud, growing, spreading in dark and mud.

    Hold on to this spinning ball, careening through our celestial fall, the burning light of our sun will once again ignite our world bringing fire to our hearts and saplings curled.

    All life is playful chaos, a fire burning bright, setting atoms into flight through dark and endless cold, cold night.

    Do not fear the burning, the explosion of mad colour, for in our beings we are yearning for that sweet abandon and flames living power.

    ====================

  • A Bear is not just for Graduation


    This poor little chap is somekind of graduation gift for the class of 2008 (according to his hat) and I spotted him in a terrible state clutching his diploma (to be fair it is sewn to him) all disheveled and bedraggeld on the shore in a pile of seaweed while I was out walkng.

    So my bro picked him up and took him home, we stuck him in the washing machine and he’s been sitting ontop of the fire drying ever since.

    Not much more to say about him to be honest :) but I thought it was rather harsh that this little chap have his big day then be dumped into the sea. Makes me wonder which school it was and how far he has floated to get here. Lets hope the human has faired much better than his or her little furry companion.

    With luck a slightly more meaningful post will be on the way at some point :P but I thought this had to be said ;)

  • Tunes Tuesday #2

    Today I’m going for a band that I was first introduced to by another Xangan, and since then have totally fallen in love with one of thier CD’s :)

    Panic at the Disco! seem to have taken the theory that you can sing completely random words as long as the tune and melody work :P or at least thats how it first appears but as I’ve listened to them more I have found that even songs with lyrics that are totally nonsensical tell a story, and so it is with this song:

    She Had the World – by Panic at the Disco! – Pretty. Odd

    She held the world upon a string
    But she didn’t ever hold me
    Spun the stars on her fingernails
    But it never made her happy
    ‘Cause she couldn’t ever have me
    She said she’d won the world at a carnival
    But she couldn’t ever win me
    ‘Cause she couldn’t ever catch me

    I, I know why
    Because when I look in her eyes
    I just see the sky
    When I look in her eyes
    Well I, just see the sky

    I dont love you I’m just passing the time
    You could love me if I knew how to lie
    But who could love me?
    I am out of my mind
    Throwing a line out to sea
    To see if I can catch a dream

    The sun was always in her eyes
    She didn’t even see me
    But that girl had so much love
    She’d wanna kiss you all the time
    Yeah, she’d wanna kiss you all the time

    She said she won the world at a carnival
    But I’m sure it didnt ruin her
    I just made her more interesting
    I’m sure I didn’t ruin her
    Just made her more interesting

    I, I know why
    Because when I look in her eyes
    I just see the sky
    When I look in her eyes
    Well I, just see the sky

    I dont love you I’m just passing the time
    You could love me if I knew how to lie
    But who could love me?
    I am out of my mind
    Throwing a line out to sea
    To see if I can catch a dream

  • The Fantastic Journey


    A combination of the bleak and brutal book Steppenwolf and the beautiful but moving film The Fall have lead me to a rather clear view of my self.

    How long this self has been me I cannot tell, but for now this recent epiphany of sorts has shed the most piercing light thus far on my mind and life. Why it should be of any interest to others I’m not really sure, but I tend to find use in the experiance and expression of other peoples minds so perhaps my realisation will be of use or at least curiosity value to others.

    I am a Fantasist or at least currently the pattern of my life seems to hold true to that conclusion. On a side note I need to add that I cannot be sure (nor can anyone else) of anything and nothing is permanent so despite the use of language that might seem absolute I feel it is important for not only myself but others to always remember that nothing is fixed, everything inorder to live must be in a state of change, so although I might use statements that seem solid it is merely due to the fact that to add enough words to get across the endless potential in all things, would mean this post would go on for pages ;)

    By Fantasist I mean that I have been drawn and perhaps become addicted to a world of fantasy, either through my imagination, computer games, TV or Film I have for many years sought to escape and avoid ‘reality’. On another side note I have to also say that when I refer to reality what I mean is what most of us would think of as normal life. Work, money, love, friends, everything that makes up what we think of as normal. This of course cannot ever be normal nor is it possible to define one thing as reality over another. But for this post the main difference is that the reality I refer to has a sense of permanace and development, tinged with the bitterness of mistakes, flaws and potential. Where as fantasy is a far more idealised and controlled thing that has limits and although flexible can never extend beyond its given rules nor be truly entered into.

    So due I think to fear, lack of confidence and over all a lack of trust I have given myself over to fantasy. Living in worlds that are ephemeral and impossible to succeed to any great degree in. Even in computer games I tend to avoid winning or even doing that well, instead focusing on playing out that part of the game that I enjoy as dictated by the imagined world I build within and along side the game world.

    Even my personality is like an illusion. I fool myself into wanting to be something I am not, constructing an ideal personality and then never living up to it, imagining skills I never fully hone. And infact carefully sabotaging myself so as to avoid ever having to really risk or face anything.

    This fantasy world that I have constructed and try to live half in has caused nothing but partial and dissatisfying results in my experiance. Since nothing can ever live upto the controlled and solid world of fantasy and I fear and distrust any other more real choices I am always left bitter and disillusioned.

    So in an attempt to cure this emptiness I turned to self analysis and then the study of all reality as any self analysis can only lead to. Reality however is beyond us to comprehend and as you keep searching you are faced with the concept of everything. The thing about everything is that it can either be totally encompassing and give peace, or it can be totally empty and lead to a vast nihilism.

    Aparently it was the nihilism that caught my attention.

    So given no peace by the sheer open ended emptiness of perception and too scared to trust the loving embrace of everything. I fell back on fantasy, and why not? in a fantasy there is nothing to fear, because you can be as much or as little as you like, nothing you do or say can ever really go anywhere and other than the slow and all too ignorable passage of time there is no risk.

    And thats about it, as with all such things I really don’t know what to do with my epiphany having now had it. For a lot of my life i’ve not wanted more than my fantasy, it has given me everything and taken nothing but time. However now that the gnawing desires for more or something different have set in I am faced with a strange inability to move or change, all my actions seem to fade to dust or lead nowhere.

    Up until today I couldn’t figure out why this kept happening but now I’m starting to see the pattern, good or bad, success or failiure doesn’t really matter because it all means one thing, breaking my fantasy. And as long as I refuse to trust and hold onto this ghostly imagined world then I’ll never commit to the change I am currently convinced I want.


     

     

  • +-XZA-+ The Boat

    ~Tales of Tokyo~

    Part One: OutBreak

    Part Two: Hack & Slacker

    Part Three: Hi I’m Jamie

    Part Four: Follow The Rules

    Part Five: For Reals

    ~Pony Tales~

    Part One: Note From Mom

    ~Fallen Saint~

    Part One: Dans Last Post

    Part Two: The Beginning of The End

    Part Three: The Fallen Saint

    Part Four: Garbage of The Dead

    Part Five: The Bell


    Part Six: Dead Men Tell No Tales

    They camped out in the relative safety of the container for the rest of the night and at the first pale light of dawn jumped down into the prow of the boat.

    It seemed to have been the last hope of some other survivors and was well stocked with both fuel and some extra supplies. For a moment both Bede and Margo half expected the owners to come running from across the dock, but once they searched the lower deck they discovered what had happened.

     

    Within the hold a large supply room had been setup, strewn across the floor were cans of food, guns, ammunition and four bodies. One a young woman was slumped by the wall a bullet hole in her head, she lay as she had fallen her right hand pressed over a dark red bite mark on her wrist.

     

    In front of her was a man crumpled to the ground over her legs, his torso was scattered with bullet holes from a shotgun that lay on the body of the third corpse, an older woman who had been thrown back against the bulk head by the impact of the mans hand gun.

     

    The final body was sat in the corner a pistol still hooked loosely in his right hand where it had fallen when he fired it through the top of his own head.

     

    They stared at the scene for a few silent minuets, before Margo turned and walked out without saying a word. Bede dropped to his haunches and looked around the hold.

    “Not yet” He said clenching his jaw and standing, he paused again for a moment looking over at the young man slumped in the corner, ‘Not yet’ he thought and stooped to grab the legs of the older woman.

     

     

    The trip south was surprisingly quiet and easy, they stayed away from the coast but never too far for fear of bad weather. The boat was easy to handle and the food was plentiful, they didn’t talk much for the first day or two finding it hard to shake the experience of the city, but eventually as the miles slipped by they relaxed and discussed the next step.

     

    “I just don’t think it’s worth it, you saw how bad Edinburgh was, and now you want to go to London?” Margo said rubbing her face with her hands then crossing her arms hugging her self tightly.

    “I know, I know it sounds crazy to me too…but I made a promise” Bede rested his head back against the bulk head looking up at the soft orange light of the storm lantern swinging above them.

    “I don’t think that in this situation you can really be blamed for breaking your word!” Margo said with a tone of exasperation.

    “What if I’d said that in Edinburgh?” Bede shot back lifting his head off the wall and staring into Margos eyes. “I almost didn’t come for you, you know…when I saw how bad it was” He added.

     

    Margo sighed “Aye but when you did you almost got killed” She said resting her head in her hands and speaking towards the table.

    “Yeah I know” Bede gazed into the middle distance as he recalled the glorious shower of broken glass that had heralded Margos approach in the truck that had saved his life. “Look you don’t owe me anything, we’re even as far as i’m concerned. But if we are on our own then you’re basically gambling with every second, you stumble, or get too tired and sleep unprotected, or eat something and get sick and that’s it. You’re done. But if we are together and we keep finding more people we can trust, then…then we have the odds in our favour.”

    He paused and re-focused on the top of Margos head, her pale blonde hair white gold in the orange light.

     

    “Okay” She sighed and lifted her head, looking back at him her face heavily lined with fear and tiredness.

    He got up and helped her out of her chair, holding her tight against him as they walked towards the small bunks. “It’s going to be okay Margo, the only good thing about all this is it’s made things terribly simple, all we have to do is survive. Thats it. ‘Immortal until Death’…always thought would be a good t-shirt” He chuckled as he squeezed her shoulders.

     

    As she slept Bede went back on deck for first watch, all around him the sea glinted with white grey and inky black blue, off in the distance he could make out the pale ghostly coast slowly slipping by. For as far as he could see both north and south there wasn’t a single light, nor even the distant dirty orange glow of a far off city centre, beyond the rhythmic thrumming of the boat engine and crashing waves against the hull it was as if the entire UK was silent, a quietly resting corpse waiting to be awakened.

  • Tunes Tuesday

    Some of you may know @annieothergirl and her always enjoyable Music Monday, well not wanting to infringe on her copyright welcome to Tunes Tuesday! ;) hehe

    Lets begin this very first post of Tunes Tuesday with a classic of Ska by Don Drummond: Man In The Street.

    A massive collection of Ska music is what I use to warm up with for my workout, because nothing gets you moving your body quite like early Ska :]

    And by way of thanks to Annie for being generally lovely and for always posting up cool music I thought I’d make her this Music Mondy logo while I was making my one :)

  • Fun with Facial Hair

    Grew quite a beard over the last month or so, and finally I shaved it off but not before having some fun ;)

    The before shot.

    The Goteed greaser look.

    The Beckham lol

    The Evil Rogue look.

    The Rogue plus Fedora AKA The Venutian Shadow ;)

    And now you’ll probably be pleased to hear I am back to clean shaven, not sure i’m quite ready for facial hair ownership yet :P

  • +-XZA-+ Heading South

    *edit* Forgot to link part four and misnamed this part :S all sorted now though*

    Been a long old time since i’ve updated but not so for Tokyo :) there have been several updates to the Xanga Zombie Apocalypse still going on from Tokyoexpressman check em out here!

    And here are links to all the other parts from both Tokyo and xxdeelynnxx who started a bit of a story too and of course my previous parts:

    ~Tales of Tokyo~

    Part One: OutBreak

    Part Two: Hack & Slacker

    Part Three: Hi I’m Jamie

    Part Four: Follow The Rules

    Part Five: For Reals

    ~Pony Tales~

    Part One: Note From Mom

    ~Fallen Saint~

    Part One: Dans Last Post

    Part Two: The Beginning of The End

    Part Three: The Fallen Saint

    Part Four: Garbage of The Dead

     

    Part Five: The Bell

    The truck had taken them within a short sprint of the docks before one too many impacts on its battered front had reduced it to a steaming immobile wreck.

    The port had been the scene of a valiant hold out at some point and the remenants of blockades and choke points gave a momentary respite as Margo and Bede decided on the next move.

    The city was dead, the roads choked with cars or shambling corpses and beyond the city limits lay only the vast stretches of motorway or winding side roads that could only offer slow and dangerous progress. So faced with little to no other option they began searching the port for any surviving or serviceable boats.

    As twilight fell their search became more desperate and hopeless, the sprawling docks and warehouses now a tangled maze of barred doors and tumbled containers, each small stock room or office a terrible reminder of the fate that lay in wait or stumbled slowly through the inky blackness.

    Only one or two lights still buzzed or flickered within the entire vast area. As they moved it sounded like there was nothing in their universe other than the scraping of boots on concrete, the flapping of coats and the heavy beating of their hearts. But as they would pause and the other sounds faded then they would hear it, the slow shambling progression a scraping brooding sound picked out by the odd pitiful moan.

    Bede stopped breathing hard after a hurried dash over open ground, pressing Margo against the wall and turning off the one dim light he permitted as they moved.
    “Shhhh” He hissed his eyes shining as they caught the feint light of the moon as it peeked from behind ragged clouds and shone through the high windows of the warehouse roof.

    They waited as silence descended around them. Somewhere off behind them a dry moan echoed and something tapped slowly down the corrugated side of the warehouse they were in.
    Then Margo’s hand tightened on Bedes shoulder as she too heard what had made him stop, the gentle ring ringing of a bell.

    Rounding the corner of the slightly parted warehouse doors they emerged into the cold black night, ahead the sound of lapping water warned them the edge of the dock was close, while off to the right came again that ring ring.

    Bede crouched low and moved in the darkest shadows behind some strewn containers, Margo followed moments later catching up with him more by sound than sight. The containers drew a jagged line from the corner of the warehouse right across the expanse of dock to the sheer edge that fell into the splashing blackness of the water, but behind the barricade that alluring bell toned again and again.

    Crawling to the very edge Bede felt out peering into the darkness to find the end of the container.
    “I think I can make it” He hissed barely louder than his own breath.
    “Are you sure?” Margo asked her eyes straining to see through the shades of black and grey shadows.
    “No” And Bede managed a humourless chuckle.
    “Take my bag, and get yourself secure, i’m going to need to hold onto you as long as I can, until I can reach something on the otherside”
    “If there is anything.” Margo said more to herself than to Bede.

    Standing Bede thrust his backpack into her arms and waited for her to get organized while he shook his arms out trying to get rid of the sudden shaking that had gripped his muscles.
    “Ready?” Margo asked and reached out sliding her hand down his arm to grip his right hand.
    “As I’ll ever be” Bede said giving the hand a squeeze and then stepping out onto the tiny lip that was his only foothold at the bottom of the container.

    Using his left hand he reached out as far as possible, feeling out round the edge of the container as he pulled at Margo’s arm. She resisted with both hands clasped tightly around his as she leaned away and slowly edged with him towards the drop.

    Pinning himself more by sheer will than anything else to the side of the container Bede stretched out until his fingers could creep round the distant edge, A smile flashed across his face as he felt his fingers and then hand stretch out into open space, the doors of the container had clearly been taken or torn off leaving the open end as a safe haven on their passage round.

    “On three let go” He said looking back quickly at the shadowy panting silhouette of Margo.
    “One, Two…Three!” With a reluctant tug Bede sprang free of Margos hands and thrust out into the darkness, swinging round to come face to face with a wall of boxes.

    He slammed into them hard almost bouncing back off and into the ominous black water behind him, but a mix of reaction and panic drove his fingers hard into two thin cracks between the box stacks and his feet found purchase on the no more than a foot wide gap between the end of the boxes and the door of the container.
    “Fuck!” He breathed as he pressed his head against the damp cardboard,
    “Are you okay?”
    “Yeah, just give me a minute to catch my breath” ‘And stop fucking shaking‘ he thought.

    From the end of the container, once they had both gotten to it having to push a couple boxes back into its depths they could see their prize a small intact fishing boat, with a pale golden bell lit up in the moonlight ringing gently as the waves rocked and lapped the boat.

     


    More to come soon :) this time I wrote more than one posts worth so i’ll stick up another section probably tomorrow or monday.

  • Logos

    So recently I’ve been playing around with 99Designs making logos for design contests.

    This is tricky but quite fun…and if I get good enough could be profitable (I really rather hope) only problem is you have to out do all the other hundreds of designers and spending time and effort only to not get picked and earn nothing is slightly daunting/depressing.

    Also qutie similar to my normal pattern of working, as in doing a lot of effort but getting jack s*** out of it -_-

     

    But in order to do this job I had to learn Adobe Illustrator and OMG that program is incredible!!! :D

    It’s just so complex and powerful, you can literally do ANYTHING, I am in love with all its little 1′s and 0′s :] hehe

     

    Anyway given the lack of guarentee with 99designs I’d really not mind working for much less potential profit as long as it was certainly going to be there at the end, so if anyone happens to need a logo for their business or website, i’d be more than happy to have a crack at it for a lot less than you’d look to pay even at the minimum price of 99designs or other freelance designer sites.

    Sorry to get all salesy on a more personal blog, but if you don’t ask you don’t get and I could certainly do with a bit more paying work. Same goes for websites to be honest, currently only got my own projects on so there’s plenty time for working for clients.

     

    Other than all that 2013 is progressing as expected, and I am mostly keeping to a posetive and change oriented outlook :) though I could do with a bit more speed in that change if i’m honest. And if i’m REALLY honest all I actually want to do is play games and write stuff, like more XZA for example…but I just can’t see much profit in that as yet :/ so websites, work and Adobe it is then I suppose :|