What You can do for your ASSCAT, but rather what your ASSCAT can do for you?

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Team ASSCAT are of course awesome we know that, but while they selflessly constructed the ASSCAT Challenge to test and entertain the general Xangan public, we have done little in return to test them and entertain ourselves ;P

So I think that we (the good people of Xanga) should return the favour, by planning our own challenge.

A challenge FOR the members of the ASSCAT.

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At the moment with some of the Team currently on holiday and others busy in other ways i’m sure perhaps it isn’t the best time, but since we’ll need time to plan this thing out, get the challenges suggested and voted on etc.

I thought i’d float the idea anyway.

So here’s what we need:

Somewhere around 3 challenges per member two of which can be universal (as in they are to be done my all members the same) and one being unique to that member, so a specific challenge tailored for Alex for example.

Any suggestions should be posted in the comments section and then i’ll compile them and we can vote on which ones we want to see (if we get more than we need) as for the structure of the entire challenge and any prizes, well i’m open to any and all sugestions. Personally I doubt I have the organizational ability to figure this thing out on my own so I’d be more than happy if someone (or several) people would be willing to join in and help out, PM me with and suggestions you might not want to share with the victims…errm i mean with the ASSCAT’s

While walking I saw the dirty and decomposing remains of a bird, and surprisingly it made me think of a poem
So inspired by a dead bird, but not exactly about one.
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Bedraggled angel fallen to earth,
fated to live this mortal curse.

Now feeling pain and hurt,
lost and covered in this dirt.

Why choose this life?
Why live to die?

We do not shed our tears just to proove we cry.
There is loss deep within our eyes, something missing, a thought lost but known, like a memory that has flown.

Give me wings and i’ll fly, save me from time and I won’t cry…but take from me the spark, the edge, the dark.
And perhaps i’d choose like you to break the spell and live a short time in pure, in hell.

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When Andrea @corvyusmorte wrote her wonderful poem Fractal she mentioned me and my recent post Endless, this was really nice of her but she also suggested that I expand on the concept which kind of made me freak out lol :S

If i’m honest i’m more of a random luck sort of guy, if I ‘try’ at anything it usually ends up feeling forced or contrived.

But with that excuse in place heres a follow up
Also if you’re wondering about the title? it’s the name of a pretty cool old French adventure game and it’s quite appropriate to my point…i hope.

In the poem Andrea chose fractals to describe this concept, and they are in fact the perfect choice because a fractal has many facinating features, most important of which is that every part of a fractal contains the whole.

There is a free (i think) program called Fractal Forge which i’ve used to explore pre-generated fractal calculations (i’m no where near able to understand the math) they are mesmeric, you can begin with one beautiful shape then pick a tiny part of it zoom in and suddenly you’re back to the same original shape.

The things is that this can be applied to so many things because we can change levels with our perception.
My previous example of a movie for instance, you can enjoy the simple emotional raw impact of it the first time but if you see it again or expand your knowledge of similar films you’ll then begin adding new layers and perspectives, enjoying the cinematography, the acting, writing, direction then the references, the cultural influence and many hundreds of other details and layers.

Then you can even go beyond the details and simply enjoy a film right back at its basic level again out of respect to the original thrust of its creators, or even enjoy it ironically.

This process of refinement and adding of detail is universal, like zooming into something.
As you look you see more, but there’s a moment like in the fractal when you suddenly realize that all the detail and complexity is in fact right there in everything no matter the scale or refinement, its a truly Endless system.
They used science to go within the Atom, and there they found electrons and other particles that followed the same rules that can be seen in the movements of the planets.
And when they went further into the Quantum they discovered rules that gave hints to the nature of our ENTIRE dimension, and how the very structure of reality is made, formed and changed….and this was from something on a scale that makes Atoms look like planets.

Also mentioned in Andreas post was the tendency for such thoughts to lead to hopelessness and despair. This is in fact a bit of a problem for me, due to the vast potential you become aware of if you follow this concepts path you can end up feeling nihilistic, as if no matter what you do it will never be anything more than anything else.

But this is perhaps just being indulgent or dramatic because it actually equally points out how valuable everything is, think about it. If every part contains the whole then EVERY moment, thought, action and perception carries with it the entire universe, which at least in part makes you and everything you do the most important and incredible thing that will ever exist in that moment.

But finally for people, like everything else they are just as complex, but where as with a film the layers available are set and limited within the films borders with a person you must add the fourth dimension…Time.
With time involved the potential explodes, the detail multiples beyond all measure. We can change, learn, invent and re-invent all on top of a structure that is in it’s simplest form for want of a better descriptive word Devine.
You are a wonder, a single and total point of perception, learning and experiencing for the first and only time in this time, the thought of it alone is exciting we’re on an adventure within and as part of a fractal of such complexity and detail that it cannot even be approached, but as with any fractal no matter how big or layered it’s all there in a single grain of sand on any beach, in every leaf and every face.

The more you look the more you see.
It seems to be one of the laws of the universe, look through a magnifying glass and you see detail that you never knew existed, look through a microscope and you see whole creatures you never new existed, go deeper and you see atoms and beyond.

But the same rule dosen’t just apply to changes of scale, nothing stays the same nothing is as simple as it might first appear.

For almost all my life i’ve lived in one location and pretty much every day for years i’ve walked the same fields, in roughly the same route. But while my patterns may not have changed that walk and the landscape, skies, plants, flowers and everything else that makes it what it is has always been different, changing and ever growing in detail and complexity, The more i’ve looked the more i’ve seen.

It’s the same with films, once i could only watch something once, but as i learned to appreciate ever more complex layers, references and the endless other tiny detail that go into a film, i found i could re-watch them sooner and get so much more from the experience, and now i don’t feel i’ve properly seen a film untill i’ve gone through at least three times.

But perhaps the most important, or certainly most interesting, complex and unimaginabley endless thing to know is a person.
It takes more than your life time to understand your self, let alone another person.
We are an ever changing maze of detail and layers, often masked and hidden both from ourselves and others, but somehow sometimes if we are lucky we find someone to share our lives and minds with, and if you’ve got that make sure you remind your self everyday that the person or people with you is a treasure, something to be grateful for every second.
It’s often too easy to take for granted the daily wonder of existence, but don’t take the people we love for granted because they are indescribably precious.

Well actually this post is quite literally about the skin, and more accurately about the scars we carry with us.

Personally i’ve lived a pretty safe life thus far…or rather i should say, all the dangerous stuff i’ve done i’ve mostly gotten away with.
But I have still managed to pick up a few scars on the way so I thought i’d share.

First up lets start with my head:
Now for some reason either life or I have got it in for the right hand side of my head, and i’ve managed to collect three pretty visible scars around my right eye.

The first was done when I was quite young, and aparantly what happened was I dove out of the door of the 40ft caravan we lived in and went head first into a concrete block.
Since I was young and have no memory of the details of my childhood (my memory just don’t work that way) I can’t say anymore on this, other than I appear to have survived

Next we move a bit down to my right brow, where I received the hollow end of a metal tube used as a leg for a table to football game.
This happened when I was walking up the stairs behind the person carrying said tube and he unwittingly turned at the wrong time.

It really hurt and bled like crazy, but I was just so glad it wasn’t my eye, I really didn’t mind lol

And finally for the head. We move to right next to my right eye. This one was a real doozey and happened similarly to the first when i was quite young, I was in the kitchen area of our caravan when a cupboard got thumped by accident, unfortunately this cupboard contained a vast assortment of various glass bottles which in turn were filled with all kinds of vinegars, sauces and oils.
The impact smashed some of these and sent the rest tumbling out of the cupboard door…which was a good foot above my head, the resulting cascade of glass and bottles hit me directly in the face.

All I remember from the event is my view turning into a waterfall of red with black dots in it, as i was hurried to the bathroom.

But once again My eye was saved despite as the scar prooves a pretty damn close call.

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Now lets move to the hands.
Here I have two obvious scars both rock related, neither all that exciting :/

First on my right hand is this scar just below my index finger knuckle, this was courtesy of a very sharp rock point left too close to the ramshackle door of a boat shelter my dad made.

I was opening the door (which you had to lift to move) and my hand was just too close to the wall. The cut was deep and for the first time I saw sub-cutaneous fat, which looked like little white nodules (well thats what we guessed it to be) but the worst part was having to walk up the croft to get home while the field next door was being harvested, which combined with my already accelerated breathing to make me feel like i was hyper ventilating.

The next is the dullest of all and is the result of falling onto a gravelly road.
The wound had a big flap of skin sticking up and was pretty dirty, I still remember having to dip my hand in warm salty water to clean it…that REALLY stung.

The most interesting thing about this one is first its shape, and second the tiny red dot thats under it, if i press that area the dot gets it’s blood back before the rest of the pressed area and it’s always there.

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Now we move below the belt…stay calm ladies

To start things off the knee,
where I have my most mundane but also most upbeat scar

This smile like slice was made by the razor share edge of a rusted van bumper, me and my bro used to quite often climb atop this particular van, but this day my knee didn’t quite make it.

The cut was big and deep but nothing special.

And now the grand prize of my gallery of gruesome gouges. -Warning may contain images of the inner thigh! -

Here is perhaps the most dramatic looking yet utterly normal scar i’ll ever possess, so boring is the history of this that i’ve often tried to think of more entertaining ways to introduce it…but as yet haven’t settled on anything.

This was the handy work of a doctor that was known for his slightly iffy eyesight, wether or not that had anything to do with it’s rather unsightly nature I’m not sure, but this was done to remove a mole that had begun to grow…aparently, the thing is though the mole was smaller than an inch so why i needed a four inch scar on my leg i’m not sure.

But hey I don’t mind it, and as soon as i figure one out it’ll be a heck of a story hehe
Anyhoo I was drugged for the opp and only recall the feeling of being stabbed with needles in the leg, which must have been the dulled sensation of the surgery.

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Well thats all the even vaugely impressive scars i’ve got, but should anyone else be tempted to share a few war stories make sure you let me know with a Tag I’d certainly be interested to read em

Also apologies for the creepyily pale skin, it’s mostly my cameras fault….i’m not a vampire

A couple weeks back I posted about being all annoyed at the purchase of yet another ‘system’ for getting rich online.

At the time of purchase I wasn’t happy, I didn’t like the sales approach or the product.
My gut was telling me No in no uncertain terms….but I folded and ended up having to commit to something I didn’t believe in.

But if this wasn’t warning enough to listen to my instinct more was on the way.
Yesterday I was doing some research into the product and surprise surprise it’s appears to be a scam :/….damn.

Getting a refund might be tough but i’m going to keep on em untill i do thats for sure.

But I’m actually seeing this as a good thing for a few reasons:
1: I did not like the software or approach and now I don’t have to use it (and i can kick some scammer ass while i get the money back)
2:It clearly pointed out my ‘line’ the limit of what I consider moral with regards to marketing, so now I can aim at doing something to be proud of.

And 3rd (the point of this post) I should have trusted my Gut. According to quite a few of those personality test things i’m predominantly Kinesthtic as in i’m more about the ‘feel’ of something than figuring it out.

And true to that model i’m not that hot on comming up with solutions on the spot or taking time to examine all angles, my strength is Inspiration or going with what feels right, often without being able to logically explain why.

When this works it’s amazing, it’s like your not doing anything but everything just works out, of course we all experience this to greater or lesser extents but the important thing is that Inspiration, Intuition and trusting your gut isn’t just ‘luck’ or a natural ability it can be trained and honed.

So although this might be one of the many times i’m left kicking myself, at least its another example of my gut being right on the money. Had I listened i’d have saved myself a whole lot of heartache, annoyance, time and money but next time I might just think twice when my hearts shouting for my head to stop and listen.

So the moral of the tale is we have so many cool powers built into us, make sure you give them credit once in a while.

This should be a Featured question, but the damn device i’m on didn’t add the appropriate links, i’ll edit it about tomorrow maybe.
Anyway, it’s kinda nice to do a FQ after so long, i’d kind of forgotten about them

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For the longest time this sort of question was a total mystery to me, I couldn’t think of anything that fired me up enough to consider doing for longer than a week or so.

But then as I began to realize how much I enjoyed being creative and drawing I began to feel like there might be something long lasting enough to be a dream career or job, and then I saw the making of Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and watched a concept artist describe the feeling of drawing something (in his case Davey Jones) and then seeing it come to life on the screen, and that was it although i’ve not gone all crazy dedicated to get there yet i’m pretty certain thats what i’d love to do either on films or for computer games, being able to create something that then becomes in effect real would be just wonderful

There’s been some really nice sexy poems about recently so i thought i’d chip in.

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I’m comming for you, i know what i want, your body with mine feeling your skin, taking control as you give in.

I want you, I need you, to feel within you.

I’ll enclose your form, my body so warm, entwined with arms.

Your mine if your willing, i’ll play my role. Hunter and prey we can be two all day, dancing in dreams apart until… when night falls and we meet then nothing has meaning, none of the posture or preening.

Your mine and i’m yours and together we’re one, we merge and are gone.

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