June 13, 2011
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A note to Assholes
Hey Assholes
, Why are you being mean to someone?Do you find it funny? are you looking for popularity? are you bored? or simply unable to be friendly?
Well might i just suggest something for your betterment.
There are people out there who are going through some stuff, especially online where troubled folks go to vent and find some peace. These people might be having a really bad day, it might be a bad day after a week or longer of bad days, and perhaps your comments hit them wrong on the worst day of a bad year.
Whats going to happen?
Well most would shrug it off or maybe be bothered for an hour and then move on but what about that person suffering their worst day?
What if your comment is the last straw and that person logs off and finds something sharp? or and open window?
Is that worth a risk? is your comment or cheap laugh worth someones life? personally my answer is no but maybe your different.
There’s no good reason to make people feel worse or to cause harm by your actions, if your ignorant of your effects then look to see what response you get and learn, but if your acting the asshole with full knowledge and the intention of causing harm and hurt then please consider that your actions are not simply words they are intentions and may have the power to break bones when they land.
This i’m sure is not a new point but one worth making over and over, we help each other ourselves and the world around us when we are nice, funny and friendly and it’s the exact opposite when we are hurtful, mean and insulting. So think about the effect you might have before you post your throw away post or comment, every action is an expression of energy what do you want yours energy to achieve?
Comments (80)
I think most of them will just say that they don’t give a fuck and leave it at that. As long as they get attention they are happy. Like loborn was happy to see numerous hate-posts about him/her-self. It makes me so sad that they give a shit and can’t or dn’t want to distinguish good and neative attentio or love and hatred.
Yeah. I allowed a troll to get to me at one point and it ended in a stupid mess.
I find it that there are lots of online bullies who in real life are major twatwaffles.
Good post, Bede.
I like that you put a smiley face at the beginning haha. I have a feeling many of the people you might be referring to will just stubbornly shrug off what you had to say on the matter, but what you’ve said is true.
there’s plenty enough hurt out there IRL. i like to think xanga is a place to find refuge from it. sometimes i play a little rough, but i definitely try to be as supportive as possible here.
TRUE. Your post showed much empathy.. and I like that.
Agreed!! I made the same point in a post not to long ago concerning a 12 yr old boy who committed suicide because he was being bullied. This included Internet bullying. Yet I actually had people on my site defending their right to be assholes and basically saying I’m going too far for calling their actions “bullying.” Hey, I’m not trying to take away your right to be an asshole but if I see you harrassing someone online I will call you what you are which is a big, fat bully!
You are so right ,It seems that the some people with very low self esteem make themselves feel better by trying to bring others down to their level,misery loves company!
I’m an asshole by nature. It’s just what I do.
For your benefit only, no insult intended…
your
= belonging to you..
you’re
= you are.
I had someone be a total asshole to me on my blog about a sensitive matter. The same thing happened with the same person but this time he was an asshole to my ex fiance who recently lost his mother. We are here to vent our troubles and express how we feel. If people don’t like what’s been said on someone’s blog, they can just leave it and not say a word. We are not here to be judged either in my opinion and I got that from said person like he is God. He definitely isn’t! I agree with your post.
You know how I feel. Thank you for this post! Wish I could rec it a million times!
HUGS!
Mean people makes meaningless comments.
That is all.
@WhoaHolyShit - Sure, Jim, but you don’t go around trying to run people over the edge, like some others here.
Great post! Vulnerable people of all ages and both genders deserve a safe place to speak, without having to go on Friendslock every other hour.
We are all bound by ignorance. I try my best to use common sense. I say inappropiate things because to hate and to love are coins with similar backgrounds. A world without hatred is like a world without darkness. My greatest fears are when hatred goes too far. But minor forms of hatred can be healthy. A little bullying here and there can be healthy. In times of war hatred is a necessity. Hatred in its purest form is frightening. But make no mistake about it, that which you call love is positive hatred. Hatred with the sprinkles in top. And what is the source of light? The powerful hatred of the sun. And in this sense, the depression of darkness, is… A lot more noble than a beautiful blonde hair woman full of the motivation that comes from her evil light of wrath. And if my darkness cannot save humanity from the light, then our eyes shall continue to deceive us, and better to carve out your eyes than sin, so the bible is written.
@under_the_carpet - Yeah i’m sure your right but it occurred to me they might not see the potential for harm, and i was annoyed with the attitude of some of these people.
@Rainboxx - LOL ‘Twatwaffles’ thats an awesome expletive, i’m going to remember that one
@Roadlesstaken - Hehe yeah I added that as an after though, glad i did now
And yes mostly they are totally immune to other opinions but hey i had to try, and the thought of what could happen suddenly hit and made me angry :S
@complicatedlight - Yeah it’s okay to be rough everynow and then, just don’t pointlessly attack others it dose no good.
@greatredwoman - Thank you
and for the invite.
@AmeliaHart - Indeed it is bullying and that’s always ugly and can be very serious, as your story shows
@seedsower - Never understood it myself but people do seem to like to lift themselves up on the hurt of others, it’s sad and makes me pity those that do it for they must really be suffering.
@WhoaHolyShit - Well be an asshole for a good reason if you have to be one, and just bear in mind that your effecting other people perhaps in a big way.
I’m pretty sucky when it comes to those things and apostrophe s’s….and punctuation (i mostly just guess where they should go lol)
there’s just no excuse for that sort of thing, it’s harmful to the writer the reader and all involved.
or at least try to be a funny asshole…they’re much more bearable
@Amoralis - Thank you
@boricua_chic_2008 - I’m sorry to hear that
@AdamsWomanFell - Well no one deserves pointless hate, especially not folks like you…and sadly it seems that the nicest often get targeted. This is the first time i’ve actually gotten riled up enough to get involved…it was kinda fun
@RulerofMasons - Balance is the true beauty, too much good or evil will always be wrong.
But my point is that everything we do is far more important and effecting than we often think, and although you may feel the need to bully and say cruel things for what ever reason if you’ve not taken into account every possible outcome then you are merely firing a gun into a crowd and that’s just wrong no matter how you sell it.
@GoldenSilk - I like this
@RighteousBruin - Exactly! Why not try to create something beautiful and caring online? perhaps we can’t live like that all the time in reality but there’s just no need to bring it with you here.
I’m sure you realize an asshole will respond to your plea with some asshole-ish thing to say…
At least they are easily distinguished from actual people with consciences.
WOO i approve of this post wholeheartedly. although i have never actually received much internet hate i have friends who have been deeply affected by it. It’s no fun
@GoldenSilk - lol false dichotomy.
@greatredwoman - I agree 100% I don’t think it will totally be disregarded I think that some will be effected and others will feel preachy. Also, I don’t think this letter is only to the “assholes” but a letter setting guidelines for the xangan community of how we should treat one another and that the etiquette of dignity and respect do not go out the window when your behind a computer screen.
I think what makes it so appetising to make nasty remarks is that there is no repercussions you will never have to see this person again. The secondary impacts are not seen or felt by the other person and therefore there is no empathy or concern.
For those who have been hurt by hateful comments will find comfort in this post and that there are others who find it just as disdainful and want to make meaningful connections with other xangans. I think it makes this community a more warm and inviting place to have such nice messages as this.
Thank you for the great post!
@Rainboxx - I had the same thing happen to me in high school with a girl who bullied me online and also went to my high school. She had something to say about everything I did and how I looked and how she disapproved. After reading all of her comments I was so hurt I was balled up on the floor crying thinking how horrible I looked and wondering how many people agreed with her.
I actually look back now and realise I should have practiced belief conservatism and said okay you made a proposition now what do you offer in return? She was so quick to attack everything I did but never once offer constructive criticism or helpful advice. I look back and wonder how would she have reacted would she continue with further negative comments or would she really have something to say?
I look back at it as a philosophical debate rather than an ad hominem attack questioning my personal worth or social value. It’s more fun to look at the various points of view and the countless ways to break down and react to the argument. As well removing the reactionary emotional element removes the satisfaction the bully has… since it takes more effort and intelligence to have a debate and act on reason rather than raw emotion or boredom as well enriching both individuals.
Some people are hurting so much in their own lives that to make them feel better to just lash out on others. At a certain point in their life it just become a natural defense and that is all they become, just one unhappy, unloved, hateful ass.
You are so right. Good for you.
@BFB1131 - You’re absolutely right! Events like that make me wanna leave Xanga for good but I figured the block feature works as well. So I choose to stay!
@WhoaHolyShit - You wanna be an asshole, it is just what you do? No problem. Play the game with someone who is playing the game. It can be fun and profitable, look at Rodney Dangerfield. You want to really be mean? Don’t play the game with someone that wants to play. I do that with my husband all the time…he hates it…he is looking for an argument and I won’t play. I don’t do it for meanness I just do it because I don’t want to ruin the day or the evening. Thank you for reading this, I will not bother you with it again.
Stop calling people assholes. It’s mean.
The actions and expressions are merely reflections of the inner state of mind. Hurtful words and intentions are just ways to validating that state of mind, and that oddly enough can be reassuring when you’re out of harmony. If you act like an ass, you expect to get a response or a rise out of the receiving party. Sometimes it doesn’t even matter who it is, as long as there’s some sort of interaction. I think it stems from the general human need to feel significance and/or love, and the only way to validate that reliably is through said interaction (in this instance, the need for a feeling of significance, I presume, is the underlying need of the addressed assholes).
Actually, they might be a bit needing in the love department as well if they are acting like that.
@WritingTheTides - Haha yea but i’ve never dealt with one first hand so it might be interesting.
@Letsgogogox - I’m glad to hear you’ve never had to deal with it
and thanks
@jilleybean12 - I like the way your mind works. And thank you for your kindness
@looking_inside_me - From that point of view i do feel sorry for people who spread pain….but then they coul just ask for help or try being nice maybe they’d find it’s more comforting than being mean.
@Mal_P -
@boricua_chic_2008 - Well i’m glad you did, because Xanga should be filled with good people and it would be a real loss if we lost any.
@mommachatter - This is a good point, there are people who find amusement or comfort even in being hurtful…but that doesn’t mean they should be able to ‘play that game’ with folks who just find it annoying.
@AncoraImparo - Haha yeah okay good point, it wasn’t specifically aimed at one particular one just the general mindset
Damn hoisted by my own petard
@RealityChecksMe - Very true and well said, but the sad bit is while they get their emotional satisfaction from lashing out (for whatever reason) they risk damaging people in ways they might not have thought about, and this prospect should scare them as much as it dose me.
@BFB1131 - Thank you! I agree with that as well.
@RulerofMasons - I think you mean teasing or pushing button’s… That’s different from hate…
I personally think I’m more mean/blunt in person than I am online. I never really try to hurt anyone’s feelings. I just don’t sugarcoat anything.
Very good post. I have to agree with what a lot of people had said previously in their replies to your post though. I have a feeling most of the actual bullies don’t care at all and intend and rejoice in the hurt and harm of others.
I still think it’s good that you wrote this because you never know if one of those bullies did read it and find some form of remorse in their minds. I just know from personal experience with a family member regardless of how you approach them they don’t care.
I have a brother who wanted me to kill myself just because. He said he hated me just because. I didn’t have to do anything to make him hate me he just does. I’m not saying this for attention, I’m just saying some people are so gone and self centered that they want others to hurt. Which is really sad.
Alex
Well said.
Nobody wants to come online and use their leisure time to be abased and degraded
look at you! #1 on top blogs! =) congrats buddy!
and a great message too!
you’re on the money here, brother.
@SAM_in_LA - Thats actually valuable, being blunt is helpful and is much better than just being hurtful.
@MommyMarty22 - Wow thats a terrible thing
i’m so sorry you had to experience it. 
And thankyou for your comment…it’s almost certainly true but i needed to write something and as you say if it maybe helps just one pause and think then it was worth it.
@Nushirox2 - I know i certainly don’t, and it’s not much fun to watch either. Thanks for the invite
@ThePrince - It’s only the second time ever!….and it still freaks me out, I was more comfortable with my nice little 50 views a post blog lol
Thanks though
Think before you speak…think before you type.
I’m SO glad to see this and YOU on top blogs!!!!!!! Well done, BeDe!
amazing post !!
they really have no business commenting on anything to be rude , everyone should be here to be encouraging..
this is such a good thing to put out there!
boo on the assholes . . . it didn’t happen here, but irl and it hurt; it hurts no matter where it happens. Nice reminder; thanks for posting it.
I was thinking the SAME thing today! It is so annoying that there are trolls all over the internet. When is it going to stop? I guess insecure people feel empowered behind the safety of a computer screen. And yesterday, a series of events upset me (in real life) and once a certain person was rude to me, it was the final straw and I had a breakdown. It was the first time I’d considered suicide in a LONG time. Same thing with trolling, that once comment just might be the LAST straw for someone who’s depressed and suicidal.
I just don’t get trolls. It’s like ever since the invention of the internet, humanity has become increasingly heartless. My rule is to be as nice to people online as in real life. Isn’t that just common sense?
Bravo!!!
@RealityChecksMe - Very true
OP:
My response to assholes are to kill them with kindness.
Good post.
not the first one
Rec’d though 
wohoo (: (: (:
@carolinamuscle - Thanks Buddy
@firetyger - Exactly
@AdamsWomanFell - Thanks! It’s suprising and pleasing i have to admit.
And I’m really greateful to all those who rec’d and read
@letmegomyownway - Yes encouragment is so much more creative
Thank you
@adventofreason -
@RaabzBaby89 - I’m so sorry to hear that
but it’s exactly what i’m afraid of when i see people being nasty here, there sometimes seems to be so many fragile folks around.
I’m glad your still about to tell the tale
@Willowshollow - Grazie!
@Hinase - The Sweet Assassin, I like it
@A_NY_Zone61 - Thanks, long time no see i’m sorry i’ve not popped by your blog more often.
I shall remedy that right now….
@fabolousclown - Thanks Amalia
Your the first to ‘Woohoo’ though 
@BFB1131 - Yup ;P It works all the time!
@BFB1131 - really? aww yay !! okay then (: (: (: you’re most welcome ! This is the best best best post (;
hhahaha.
Awesome post!!! You could not have said it better! Congrats on #1, you deserve it!
very succinct, me likey!
You need to put an automatic timestamp on this hourly for the next 100 years.
I’ve seen the fallout lots of times, so I know this is the truth. I try to limit my jackassery and just be kind to people. I’m more likely to clean up the mess than make it, and I wish that this were more common.
I always go under the assumption that if something is posted on the internet, I expect to see somebody be an asshole about it. That being said, I agree.
I find it incresingly interesting now that people can really be hurt on the internet. Even though we’ll never see or meet these people in person. So yes words can hurt spoken or written. Now online is real life.
@WhoaHolyShit - Most guys are.
I’m thinking you should be reposting this every hour on the hour. It can’t be said enough. Maybe it’ll sink in with some douchebags. Well done, bud.
Couldn’t agree more. This rocks, and is something that truly needed to be said (in a better way than it has been before, I do believe).
I love this post; it’s very well said. Kudos to you for posting it.
I’m not that bad.
But maybe I’m venting as well because I’VE also had a shitty day.
ddddd
Well said.
i like being an asshole, if i was nice to everyone, i’ll get fucked in the ass everyday.
I agree with you. Some people just lack so much respect. It bothers me when they treat others like trash for their own amusement. I guess they don’t see how much words can hurt a person…
@livexlovexlaughter - Thank you
and thanks also for the message your a very kind caring person.
@suuperstar - :D
@FrenzElectric - Haha
@grammarboy - Thanks for the invite, ‘limit my jackassery’ lol
@xsimplepleasuresx - Sadly true.
@locomotiv - Yeah it’s weird but true, and more and more this will be the case as further generations get used to internet communication.
@SuperLuc - Thank you man, but it looks like enough folks are rec-ing it for me not to need to lol
i’m so amazed by the responce of everyone, i love Xanga
@vixen_with_a_cause - Well i’m not sure it’s better than some, but thank you so much for saying so
@dark_sarabande - :D
@evil_captain_bob - Well i’m sorry you’ve had a bad day, i hope it get’s better
@RestlessButterfly - TY
@MIKINZZLE - Not necessarily, maybe you’d find someone willing to help?
And if you truely do enjoy being and ass, then fine….just ne sure of what effect you might have when you are, not only to others but yourself too,
@Pysia89 - Very good point! Respect for the world around you is so important.
This comment is to all those who for some reason feel they need to have multiple Xanga sites to be a different person on each site.Do you really have that many personalities that you feel you need to share.Are you embarrassed by some of your ways of thinking and want to remain anonymous with that personality and just make up a name for yourself?If you have more than one Xanga site and use them equally as much and are not the same person on them,you have serious issues and need help.If you think you are funny making wisecracks about others at their expense,you should seriously look at what you are doing.If you are treating people ugly because you were treated ugly,why would you do that?If you wanted to be treat kindly,why not treat others kindly.Having multiple Xanga accounts and having a different personality on each actually hurts yourself even more than others,think about that.
@Inspectorgrampy5 - Not to mention how do they have time to do all that, i can barely manage one account lol
Thanks for sharing your input
@BFB1131 - You’re welcome. Yeah it’s been a while, I haven’t been on Xanga as much I used to be. Thanks for stopping by and commenting on my “Due Date” review.
Have you seen “Super 8″ yet? Check out my review if you haven’t already, and don’t worry…it’s spoiler free.
Wow, Bede! Way to go!
@A_NY_Zone61 - No i’ve not seen it, looks good though i’ll check the review
@Days_likethis - Yeah it got pretty incredible
1920 views! and all i was doing was letting of a bit of frustration lol
@BFB1131 - Thanks man
Who are those assholes? Hope I’m not one of them.
@RestlessButterfly - Just the general Xanga assholes who pick on someone or actively insult them for no good reason.
This happened around the time when someone insulted AdamsWoman for being nice :S and it pissed me off so i worte this.
@BFB1131 - That’s the reason I stay away from reckless_eagle and xcite me.
You know, a mutual friend told me a lil something you did for me so this really didn’t surprise me, you’re a pure hearted hero!
@xXxlovelylollipop - *Rips off shirt and stand one foot on a small rise, cape blowing in the wind* Me? a Hero??…heavens No!
lol
I try to stand up for people I’m close to.
JK Well Thank You