Someone I know is currently facing a pretty serious illness worry, so since I am of the belife that we are capable of offering aid to the world around us despite distance or differance and because I feel I must do something no matter how small to offer support.

I ask that while you read this post you let your mind focus on the incredible power our bodies have to heal, how we can re-grow almost any wound, how no part of us is not constantly being reborn and replaced as cells die and are re built and there are so many stories of miraculous recoveries they should no longer be a suprise.

So Pray, hope, wish or simply lend your compassion and think of regeneration, life, creation and re-creation. For this short post and whenever it may pop into your mind again take a moment to be joyful and grateful for life, for the health and happiness of everyone around you and for yourself.

Take a deep breath, close your eyes and see light glowing and growing from all sides and feel it’s caring warmth and peace as it connects with and becomes all things within and without and adds to the whole. And as you do this know that your part of this whole is as valuable as any and as vast as all and together our minds will become a force of health and nurturing that will have subsance and power enough to effect those that need it most right now.

 

---

Thank You,

I’m Sorry,

Please Forgive me,

I Love You,

---

 

Yep I reckon after over a year of being here (a large part of which i wasn’t actually using the site) I have finally reached a point where i can call myself a Xangan.

So I thought since i now feel like i belong here (rather than like most online networks like i’m somekind of tourist just passing through) that i’d list some of the highlights of my time on Xanga.

 

---

1: I recently passed the 100 friend mark . And since i rarely ask people to friend me most of those friends are lovely Xangans who have added me and to each and everyone I am truly grateful, without all those wonderful people i’ve met here my life would be must more lonely.

2: Top blog. Not once but twice! prooving that either I once in a while have something useful to say…or my room full of monkeys and typewriters wasn’t a massive waste of money lol

3: Interacted with Xangalebrities. Okay of course he just thinks he’s ‘normal’ but i still kind of geek out whenever Alex Chan comments on my blog 

4: Chat convo with Friends. I’ve even spent a while chatting with friends on the Chat system, and in my book you’ve got to know someone a bit better than just commenting before you move to chat.

5: Crushes. What would Xanga be without it’s crushes, and basically if your female and i know you it’s likey i have a crush on you lol…but there are also a few particular Xangans out there that have stolen my heart, and although it’s often painful I thank them for being the wonderful people they are.

6: Sharing. Yes I’ve shared things here that i couldn’t (and haven’t) tell my closest family members, and having somewhere to be open like that has helped in so many ways.

7: Growth and Learning. I’ve learnt so much from Xanga already and become a different person with more confidence and understanding. People here share thier minds and hearts and we all grow together.

8: Drama. Despite my best intentions I have gotten involved in some small way in the Xanga Drama, which i suppose is a must for a proper Xangan, it’s always going to be there and in it’s own way it helps.

9: Theme. I have a theme! It was one of my proudest Xanga days when i think it was CPKviperpeonix said ‘That guy who dose all the Xanga superheroes’ Without Xanga i would never have had the inspiration to draw over 30! characters all of which are building towards my dream of being a better artist, and your encouragment has helped immeasureably with my progress.

10: Big moments. I’ve been there for a couple big events in Xanga and in the world that Xanga has reflected, and I can now actually look around the top blogs and feel like i kind of know whats going on rather than just ignoring them and wondering who the heck everyone’s talking about…biggest event recently was Beebizzles Baby!!

11: Invite a friend. I’ve even gotten another person onto Xanga, she’s not posted anything yet but hopefully she’ll get hooked…in fact to that end head on over to http://etmac.xanga.com/ and drop her some encouragment.

12: Friends lost. There have been a few Xangans i’ve known that are no longer on the site each one i still miss and hope for thier return.

13: Obsession. Not exactly a right of passage but still a marker of a good thing. A day away from Xanga feels like an eternity and the people i know here are as important to me as anyone i know in reality.

14: Plans for the Future. I want to change my username, I want to start my own ‘Challenge’ someday and see it spread, I want to maybe go to a meet (given time and money) etc. etc. point is I want to keep using this site and interacting with the lovely Xangans on it and i don’t plan on that changing anytime soon

---

 

Well thats a few of the highlights that pop to mind and hopefully i’ll be adding more to that list next time, but for now I can say I am a Xangan and an official Blogger and i’m kind of proud of that to be honest

Okay here it is my submission for LKJSLains Serious Writing prompt LINK

This time I wanted to play around with a different perspective so i’ve done it all from first person…pretty much.

Also it’s based in a post apocolyptic world so there’s a LOT of bad language, not my usual style but hey it’s fun to try new things, but if your bothered by language you have been warned

{I’ll bold the relevent tags from the writing prompt}

---

The Moment:

---

Whats the first thing I remember?…..Dust this weird grey fuckin’ dust, I was buried upto my ass in that shit.
Dunno why I still remember, there’s been a lotta dawns since then but yea that’s it…dust.

I pulled myself out there, outta what used to be my home and started walkin’ never looked back…never looked back….

It wasn’t long before things fell apart, well fuck things were already in the shitter but no matter how low you are you can always go down, right?
I fell in with raiders pretty quick, heh I ain’t no genius but when it comes to breakin’ bones and bustin’ teeth I’m something of an artist so it was a good fit.

Ya know most of you people thing of raiders as savages, cannibals fuckin’ animals out there to cut your throat and leave ya bleedin’…and yea fuck there’s a lotta that shit out there but it’s not like they ain’t civilized too ya know?

Look at me, look at my tats, this look like the work of a savage? I got more ink than I got pink left and there ain’t no fancy shmancy parlour out there, all this shit, this was done with a bone needle and whatever greasy fuckin’ oily dyes we could find…..
And the girl that did this? She was an artist….a fuckin’ artist! Man she was pretty fuckin’ hot too hehe, naa forget that she was….what the fucks the word now….she was EROTIC yeah she was fuckin Erotic.

Check it out, check out my back, you seein’ that shit? That’s from personal experience! if ya know what I mean…course she could be a real bitch too no doubt, I mean she loved to make ya hurt, she took this kind of pleasure from it…it was nothing crazy don’t get me wrong she was kinda sweet about it but fuck man!….she’s gone now of course, fuckin’ dogs they just get so crazy when they ‘pack up’ I’d run outta ammo and they still kept on commin’….there are no pretty deaths out in the wasteland kid, no glory, no fuckin’ honour when your out there and your piece is running low….I loved that chick man, I’d have done anything for her…but fuck when your dead your dead….

Hey lemme tell ya about this one, see this? On the back of my head? That’s the last one I got from her. I hadda talk her through it all the way it took fuckin hours!…she’d never seen trees like that, never felt that cool breeze or the green shade….it used to bother me that, talking to folks like you….kids who’d never seen it before. I used to think man! What are you guys living for? Ya know? I mean seriously what the fuck is soooo sweet in this fuck hole to keep you suckin’ air?

But she changed all that, she taught me stuff…ya I know try pushin sand right? But naa she got through to me eventually. She told me that all that, all that stuff I was holding onto as the only good shit left in this world….all that, it was still here, still fuckin here because we were. She told me that every tat she drew it was there, that little light.
I did not get that shit for the longest time, man she would get so pissed at me!
I was a dumb mother fucker….but yea anyway this shit right here, this is behind me right? Carved right into the back of my head, that’s where it lives now….

I’d take her there sometimes, we’d lie out on the dunes when it was dark, ya know so long as nothing was about, and I’d describe it, the long dark passage way of trees so green the light was almost liquid, patches of sunlight, cool breeze all that shit….

Yea… so that was like fuck I don’t know gotta be years ago now, three four harvests…that’s what you call em right?
Yea I ain’t been a farmer not for long anyhow, when your rollin’ with raiders you gotta move, truck when you got fuel, hoof when you’ve got beasts and foot when your fucked….

You know what it’s like to walking to a place and know, just know for fuckin sure that you are the scariest mother fucker in town….Heh I guess not eh? What are you 14? 15? Well don’t believe em when they say it’s better to be loved than feared because kid, it fuckin ain’t!
Loves for commin home to, loves what keeps ya going when your dry and bleedin, but fear and that raw bloodthirsty lust for the other guy, that’s what gives you the fire the fuckin juice man!

Man oh man, that’s just fuckin it! I’ve been there down to my knife on the ground with some mother fucker and it is defining…nothing else lives up…nothing….

Hey, kid you got my pack? Times commin….and I need something…just reach in there okay, your lookin for a box…well its box shaped kinda small..made of plast..errm smooth, made of smooth…ya got it?
Fuck yea! Nice one kid okay, throw it here.

I got one more tat to show ya then I’m gonna quit yappin okay?
Right over my chest see that? That’s her name, ebony…you know what that means? It’s a kind of black…I mean it’s REALLY fuckin black….like her, she was so black you could lose her at night hehehe ‘cough’ ah fuck…fuck…fucking fuck….

Okay, okay now shut up and listen kid, because I dunno how long this piece of shits got left in it.
This here is opera, O P E R A…ah fuck it you don’t need to know what it’s called just fuckin listen, this here is that moment, you know the one I was talking about? Like the tats?…and the fuckin….forest….this..this is the momen….

The old man finally slumped to the ground his body deflating as he slid into the dark red stained dust around him, on his chest the small box began whirring quietly as an opera singers voice echoed around the desolate valley.
The boy paused for a moment, then gathered the old mans pack and weapons and ran to catch up with the caravan that was slowly moving up towards the grey pass, behind him he could still hear the music but he never once looked back.

---

Okay here are a few more Heroes, the first one i’ve been meaning to get round to for ages sorry for the delay.

and the other two i really should have done by now, but at least i’ve got them here now.

Please forgive any facial errors, Kount i don’t know what you look like. Cat Again not sure i’ve ever seen you. And Luc well i have seen your face but had to draw this from memory because you took down your pic.

Also i’d kind of hoped i would be better at hands and feet by now….but i guess not lol ah well plenty more Xangans to draw out there lol perhaps i’ll even post a few landscape or perspective drawings when i get chance to mess about with 2 point perspectives and all that cools stuff QuantumStorm told me about.

---

http://konfefcount.xanga.com/
Kount
Some say he was born from an apple laid by a snake, some swear he formed from the mist on a lake, to believe these tales would be a mistake and if you make just one it may already be too late.

He’ll lie he’ll deceive he’ll fib and foil he’ll lead you a stray, burn the map then sell you your freedom at the cost of your life.

The Kount is a mystery, no one knows who or what exactly he is many think he may not be entirely human. But what little has been found out about him has often been to the discoverers determent. He has many strange powers, he’s incredibly fast and flexible able to out wit even the most skilled fighter he also seems to be followed by a strange mist that billows out from everything around him at his command.
Within the mist the bonds of reality become loose and you enter the domain of the Kount where only his word is law and only his rules apply.

A dangerous manipulator or people and groups he is shrouded in mystery and deadly to face.

---

http://livexlovexlaughter.xanga.com/

XCat
XCat was a normal girl when on a trip to Africa a flash flood washed her truck off a river crossing and deep into the wilderness, lost and wounded she was taken in by the mysterious remaining members of The Pride a secret all female society of international agents.
As she recovered in their care she was trained in the ancient disciplines of The Pride, who over centuries uncovered the incredible mystical power of a long lost lion goddess.

With a natural affinity for her training she quickly became one of the most powerful the Pride had ever seen, wielding their claw weapons with consummate skill and ease.
Fast as liquid and as strong as a lioness she now prowls the darkness hunting for wrong doers and protecting those that in need.

She is able to see in the dark as easily as in day, her claw is charged with energy that can send deadly beams from it’s tips and her acrobatic skills are next to none.

---

http://superluc.xanga.com/

SuperLuc

It was a normal day in the city, but as people went about their lives they had no idea that for one of them it was the first day of their destiny.

At 10:00AM all hell broke loose. With a deafening boom that shattered windows for miles around a great beast fell from the skies, it was huge nearly 20 feet in height and brought with it destruction on an apocalyptic scale.
Car flew like leaves in the wind, buildings exploded and began to burn with white hot flames and the ground shook under it’s massive feet.

As the terrified citizens ran for cover it looked as if nothing could stop the rampage of this unknown attacker, but within all the terror and destruction one man stood tall.
He was until that day just a normal guy but when faced with such destruction he did not run, did not bow down, but instead turn and faced the end.

As he approached the beast it ceased sending it’s terrible beams of energy screaming out towards the burning buildings, ceased crushing and pounding the ground and turned in silence towards the man.
For a moment they stood the only sound the distant screams and crumbling sky scrapers, and then the creature bowed it’s head and melted into pure energy with it the city re-grew buildings rebuilding themselves and cars spiralling back to where they had been.
And as the world righted it’s self the great ball of energy flowed into the man who had faced ultimate destruction with no fear.

And in that moment SuperLuc was born. The alien power that met him that day is now within and part of him giving him incredible strength and power, and combined with his immoveable spirit and pure will he has become the ultimate force of good and balance.

 

---

Not sure what this is about, other than a feel.

Kind of inspired by this http://bella-muerte26.xanga.com/750146500/bleed/

---

Blood.
You mark me darkly with your stain, flowing through my heart and brain.
Pumping thimping in my veins, driving muscle, giving life singing to me when I fight.
Oozing slowly from my wounds,
I do not worry for i will heal my skin will harden and will seal.
And undreneath moving swift my hearts pumping thumping dark red gift. 

---

 

“I sing for love of woman kind, I have one in my heart and mind…”

Incredible String Band, (Or Mike Heron not sure which)

 

Forgive any silly rambling it’s very late and i’m quite drunk :S

But I must say that I am in awe of women, they are so incredible and facinating. If only i could have chosen i’d have been a woman i’m not a very good fit for male, I don’t fit any of the cliches or even much want to, to be perfectly honest.

There are not enough words of enough beauty to capture the wonder the female enstills in me.

So i guess thats all i can say

“And I remember all female movement so well, of such a form to bring much joy and ease much care. To perfume and let fall the coloured gown, to let down the curling hair…”

‘U’ ‘The Queen of Love’ The Incredible String Band.

 

(I just know tomorrow i’m going to be dieing of embarresment over this post…ah well such is the fate of the intoxicated Xangan )

Hey Assholes , Why are you being mean to someone?

Do you find it funny? are you looking for popularity? are you bored? or simply unable to be friendly?

Well might i just suggest something for your betterment.

There are people out there who are going through some stuff, especially online where troubled folks go to vent and find some peace. These people might be having a really bad day, it might be a bad day after a week or longer of bad days, and perhaps your comments hit them wrong on the worst day of a bad year.

Whats going to happen?

Well most would shrug it off or maybe be bothered for an hour and then move on but what about that person suffering their worst day? 

What if your comment is the last straw and that person logs off and finds something sharp? or and open window? 

Is that worth a risk? is your comment or cheap laugh worth someones life? personally my answer is no but maybe your different.

 

There’s no good reason to make people feel worse or to cause harm by your actions, if your ignorant of your effects then look to see what response you get and learn, but if your acting the asshole with full knowledge and the intention of causing harm and hurt then please consider that your actions are not simply words they are intentions and may have the power to break bones when they land.

---

This i’m sure is not a new point but one worth making over and over, we help each other ourselves and the world around us when we are nice, funny and friendly and it’s the exact opposite when we are hurtful, mean and insulting. So think about the effect you might have before you post your throw away post or comment, every action is an expression of energy what do you want yours energy to achieve?

---

 

Yesterday I went to town for a very quick pick up of something for a website job.

And as i walked through the people and buildings I began to feel lonely, in all honesty loneliness is the biggest problem i currently have emotion wise and for the most part i either ignore it or mask it with distractions or logic, but everynow and then it bubbles up and hits me hard.

So on this day I walked into town alone and picked up the stuff and then walked out alone, watching all those around me but unable to connect, then as i walked trying to figure out what i should (if anything) do to resolve this feeling i was hit by a second realisation, one that had never come to me before and carried with it enough impact that together with the loneliness i was physically stopped in my tracks.

I stood there in a beatuiful little nature walk in town with a gentle stream filling the shimmering green trees with sound unable to move and literally gasping (or certianly breathing heavier) with the ‘pain’ of both powerful emotions at once. It was only for a minuet or so and then i was able to move but something like this has never happened to me before and it was impressive to feel the power of emotion and to realise that they are as much if not more so a physical pain and impact as they are mentally.

I ‘feel’ more than i think and am an emotional type of person but i’m also pretty analytical and often don’t openly react due to consideration and perhaps that should be monitored and not let to become a route to repression and stress, because much like after you’ve cried the pure release of emotion is often very cathartic and freeing, and can even open you up to inspiration and understanding.

While i was recovering from my recent Pneumonia i would often just break down and cry, i wasn’t particularly sad for any reason i was just completely spent, my energy and health had taken a kicking and i’d almost died and beyond logic and reason my body needed to release the pain and tension so it cried. It was strange but did help and allowed me to feel without understanding what exactly i was feeling.

As far as i can tell the only way our minds or language can grasp emotion is through poetry and for anyone who has tried to write a poem you’ll know that even then it’s only the loosest possible grasp. So perhaps when powerful emotions come up or when something really effects us the best solution is just to feel them without trying to understand or control, at least untill the first wave of emotion has hit and passed because afterwards we are then open to the deeper realisations and inspiration that are guided by our emotions.

 

Anyway you might be wondering why this post was called what it was called so i’d better explain

After my brief freak out in the forest i carried on towards the local Co-op and seriously felt like something sweet and cake like at this point, but when i got there i discovered that i only had enough change on me to buy one thing (and a cheap thing at that) and i knew that we needed bread back home for toast, but i still felt pretty crappy and had to choose between my own personal happiness and that of those around me.

And of course as i always do i thought of those around me and bought the loaf (not to mention that was the most gentlemanly thing to do) and i’m glad i made that choice because doing for others always pays you back far more than simply thinking of yourself, but it should also be remembered that while we often try to always be kind and polite to others we should never do so by harming ourselves because it’s so easy to always be ‘nice’ and generous and end up bitter and resentful because you’ve ignored yourself, just bear in mind that your aperson too and deserve as much as anyone else. (something i forget all too often)

So I bought the loaf knowing not only that it would be kind to others but it would also benefit me more than the cake since I would not only get toast but the good feeling of generosity rather than the cake, no toast and the feeling of guilt…and yes as i’m writing this i’m realising most people are probaly thinking “it must be hell in there” lol but hey thats why Xanga’s great you can let the crazy out every now and then ;P

Well one theory anyway….

When have you ever come to a job knowing everything there is to know about it?

You can learn skills and techniques to apply to all manner of jobs and activities but that dosen’t automatically turn into being good at something infact approching something with a whole raft of learnt knowledge often can be a hinderance.

This is one of the reasons why i’m not much of a fan of the structured learning systems of Schools, (they are getting better in places such as NewZealand) but for the most part they simply train you to absorb information just in case it can apply to something you end up doing in the future, so by the end of however many years of education you get you know all sorts of things that may or may not come in handy.

The major benefits of the education system are the systems, the tried and tested methods and formulars that allow for quick and easy understanding, but to actually be skillful and able when it comes to something completely new requires something different.

And that thing is more like an approch than a skill. Although i myself have yet to properly embrace it i have seen examples of this in practice and as far as i can figure out whats needed is the ability to be flexible and grasp the concept of the job or activity rather than the strict skillsets and rules, you have to be ready to learn and to alter your approch if something dosen’t work and most of all apply your mind to the structure of what your doing.

Everything has a structure and system that is (in it’s own way) logical esspecially if it’s a job or something designed by someone to be used or worked so if you can understand the logic of whatever it is your dealing with then your mind will seek out the patterns needed to perform the task with the greatest efficiency.

Think about those people who are just automatically good at everything they do, and can be capable and effective even when they are just starting out. There’s no way they already knew how to do everything they do they don’t spend hours at night studying absolutely everything just incase, they just know that it’s how you do a thing not the tools you use to do it that matters.

We are truely remarkable creatures with advanced pattern recognition and an ever growing and changing intellegence the only thing that can stand in our way is ourselves and the limitations we accept.