If I wasn’t me but someone very similar:

I’d not be shy or embaressed.

I’d wear somekind of costume everyday.

I’d have long hair & a gotee.

I’d go and see if the attractive german student doctor i met recently is single.

I’d have been a goth or punk at some point in my youth.

I’d never lie.

I’d make, paint, design or create something everyday.

I’d call and e-mail my cousins and friends more regularly.

I’d listen to rock on speakers (not head phones) and up loud more often.

I’d go on more advntures.

I’d know how to juggle.

I’d be fit and strong.

I’d make silly youtube vids.

I’d play an instrument.

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I’m glad i’m me but it’s interesting to think about what tendencies or oppertunities you’ve got/had that you don’t indulge.

Bit annoyed at the passage of time at the mo so here’s another attempt at poetry and a little bit of what I’m feeling.

(Also got visitors – my aunt and uncle – so I’ll be even more absent over the next few days, Hawke your pics done I just need to colour it and upload )

Burden:

I have a weight upon me it disturbs my sleep it occupies my mind.

I’ve watched my years drift by, all those days unique but the same…never to be seen again.

Trees have grown, buildings crumbled, my memories blur and jumble.
“But I’m still young!” I hear me say…but that old song has had it’s day, and it’s comfort fades away.

Give me freedom another chance…let me reload my mistakes…just once.
But no. Fast or slow time is always on the go, and in our lives, our faces and our regrets it’s passage is etched.

 

Okay well maybe the title is overstating a little, when I was young (maybe 10, 11 or 12) I stole three things from two different shops….one of them to my shame was a charity shop

But the thing is that I really didn’t want the things I stole, I didn’t feel like I had been denied things in my life, I wasn’t unhappy. In fact the only reason I stole was curiosity.

And now thinking back that’s a pretty amazing thing to me, I not only broke my moral code but the law all to satiate curiosity, so it leads me to think Humans in general are pretty much completely unmanageable.
By nature they are volatile and when denied anything they will strive to get what they think they deserve. When harmed or mistreated they become even more unstable and can endlessly try to regain a sense of strength and power.

And even when they are happy and content their endless desire to discover and to experience will drive them to ever more extreme behaviour.

Humans are incredible don’t get me wrong they are inventive and ever expanding for exactly the same reasons….but there’s just no way things will be smooth or organised for very long it’s just not the way Humans roll. 

LKJ Slain

LadySlay AKA Slayer.
Slayer was when young a gifted automatic writer and for years she wrote hundreds of pages of mysterious text.
It was only after this strange tome had completely poured fourth from her hands that she finally tried to read any of it, for a full year she pieced the pages together into one single book a book of terrible and evil power.

The book she had written was imbued with the powers of an ancient time a time of magic and unnamed darkness, the world the book had come from was a world of nightmares. And now complete it’s power was almost alive, fascinated and caught in it’s lure of immense power Slayer began to learn the black spells and rights.

Now she is a strange and twisted amalgam of pure power and her physical form, she can cast a vast range of spells that allow her to fly give her huge strength and near invulnerability, but her most powerful weapon by far is fear with her spells of terror she can bring almost anyone under her sway, leaving them a hopeless servant of her will. 

Referanced Heroes can be found here

Part one can be found here

Evality Part 2: Reality Check.

1131 Moved to a semi circular control desk and pulled up satellite images of Monument.
“You appear to be missing one of your Skyscrapers Antrom” 1131 delivered the line with little to no emotion which only served to infuriate the Mayor.
“God dammit!! Get some of your ‘Heroes’ down here right away, but watch out the central government troops are everywhere so choose your team wisely”

“Calm down Mr.Mayor some of the best and most careful will be on the way ASAP”
1131 closed the communications and located Reality within the huge station.
“Reality we have a situation get down to Monument City right now and bring Genie with you”
“On my way, though I think Genies already planetside so I’ll have to detour to pick her up”
Reality closed comms and made his way swiftly to the hanger bay.

Within the hanger stored on racks that covered the walls was a small airforce of high altitude craft. Reality strode by and flipped the protective cover off the hanger door release, flashing lights filled the hanger and sirens rangout as Reality ducked into the airlock and punched the outer door release.

In a gust of air he was sucked out into the black blue sky cold air burning his skin as the lack of oxygen burnt his lungs, as he began to fall his dark red coat flapped and whipped around him, but within seconds of his decent his form became diffuse and suddenly he became a dull grey cloud that billowed for a millisecond and then reformed into a solid impossibly smooth mettle oval, which fell like a speeding bullet into the high clouds.

At 10,000 feet the oval melted again and this time Reality was back in human form…partially. From his arms extended silver wings that acted like a glider carrying him towards the vast golden deserts of the middle east where he knew he’d find Genie.

(I know not much happened this time, i’ll start making the parts longer next time…otherwise i could be writing this for ages lol)

Today so far has been good, real good.

It began at 8am someting, i had planned on waking at 9:30 to have a shower ready for going into town and getting an xray for my chest, but someone called who wanted me to come in and talk to him (and his niece) about a website i’d done for his business. Now i should point out I am not a big fan of meeting people…or talking to people…i’ll even avoid phone calls if i can.

This is not because i’m all that bad at it (in fact most people think i’m rahter polite) but i just don’t find it comfortable so the thought of meeting someone new and generally dealing with all that was not very good morning news.

But i got up early and had me shower, and started breakfast with a Futurama film…unfortunately since i don’t drive i had to go in with my Mum who works in town, and she ran out of time so i had to rush the last of the sacred morning toast as we all hurried out the door.

Anyway we got to town, and headed off in our own directions, i ent to the hospital spend half an hour playing on my new 3DS (a lovely get well/birthday prezzie from my bro) and then got called in to get zapped, that all wnet well and then i started out to get to my mums office to call the guy to pick me up and head to his to talk, but on the way he spotted me and saved me the trip whch was the first good thing.

Then we had the meeting which was great, very productive and friendly, the guys niece was lovely and it all wasn’t too long. After that i headed back to my mums office talked to her and started out to hitchhike back home. I hadn’t even gotten to the best bit of road for hitching when another local lady that we know quite well spotted me and picked me up

had a suprisingly comfortable car conversation (one of my least favorite types of interactions) and she took me all the way to our road end from which it’s only a short 15min walk home while walking all the nice timings and perfection of the day made me feel unreasonably jolly and i spent most of the walk singing or whistling

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This day got me thinking about those days when things just go ‘right’ and how of all things that ‘right’ all things working together feeling in one of the most joyful i’ve experianced, and if we could only see the rightness of all times we could possibly be joyfull and happy much more of the time.

It’s often only our obsession with things that supposedly havn’t gone right or mistakes we’ve made or oppertunites we feel we’ve missed that robs us of that wonderful caring feeling you can sometimes feel, as if the world around us is alive and looking after us. The satisfaction of being in the right place at the right time or saying just the right thing, that sort of intergration and relaxed flow should be our daily goal….well it certianly should be mine.

I really hope everyones day went as well and if not, then find the bit that did and enjoy that

LKJ Slain has been posting up writing prompts and i’ve fianlly gotten round to finishing my story for her second one.

so here it is…..(sorry for the gramatical errors)

 

Survival:

Andrei Drago emerged from the gloom of a large doorway. He hated going into the old manor alone but the fire had needed wood and Sasha Voronin had still been asleep.
In the distance the train station was still and quiet in the crisp dawn.

Andrei walked quickly over the brown rusted tracks watching the grey light dance on the thin layer of frost covering them, he clutched a large uncomfortable bundle of sticks to his chest and with each step he could feel them moving and coming loose.

Up ahead he could now see the abandoned train car that was his home, from the dark opening in its side hung two legs, swinging lazily. As he approached Sasha’s head leaned out.
“Hurry up it’s almost dead”
“I’m coming, I’m coming help me they’re slipping!”
Andrei reached the door and awkwardly lifted up the random bundle of sticks as Sasha put out his arms and pulled them up, dropping them behind him he then helped Andrei up into the train car.

Within the rusting car a small fire was glowing dimly and the two boys set about breaking the wood into smaller parts and gingerly fed the kindling into the ashes, soon the fire was once again gently glowing and fluttering with small orange flames. 

With the fire saved the two boys returned to the side door of the car and both sat legs dangling just in time for the coming dawn.
They sat in silence as the sun crept over the horizon, its light was cold and yellow and as it rose the light spread out over the entire horizon and oozed over the desolate landscape, reflecting from the frost and giving everything a pale yellow tinge.

“Sasha…”
“Yeah?”
“Do you see that?”
“What?”
“Over there, it’s moving”
Sasha stood and peered into the half light.
“It’s a person…I can’t make them out”
Andrei; the younger of the two, looked apprehensively up at Sasha.
“Come on, we should check it out”
Sasha jumped down onto the loose rock chips and turned to help Andrei, who reluctantly followed.

The boys moved quickly and quietly weaving in-between abandoned train cars as they approached, they knew the layout of this long abandoned yard well and could navigate it easily. Eventually they reached a massive coal cart that had tipped on its side, and with Sasha leading they carefully climbed the rusted iron wheels.

From their vantage point the boys watched the strangers slow progress, for a while all they could see were a pair of feet plodding through the loose stones behind a train car but eventually the figure entered clear view and the boys could get a good look.

The stranger was a young girl dressed in many layers against the cold, she wore a long grey scarf wrapped around her head and neck and was clutching something to her chest, tangled within and around her scarf was long blonde hair that caught the low yellow light and shone.
The Girl walked slowly and without aim, her head was lowered and she seemed almost completely unaware of her surroundings.

“Who is she?…where is she going?” asked Andrei in a low whisper
“I don’t know Andrei….i’m not sure she’s going anywhere”
The two watched the girl for a while as she made her way slowly over the tracks tripping every now and then.

Sasha finally climbed down and squaring his shoulders said.
“I’m going to talk to her, you stay here”
Andrei jumped down besides him, his face betraying his fear.
“Okay Sasha….be careful”

Sasha patted Andrei firmly on the shoulder smiled and then made his way around the coal cart and headed straight for the thin slowly moving figure caught in the low yellow sun.

It didn’t take him long to reach the girl, who never once looked up or back as he approached, when he was close enough he spoke.
“Where are you going?”
The girl stopped and lifted her head then turned and looked at Sasha, in her arms was a large green book that she held tightly to her chest.
“I’m not….sure”
“I’m Sasha. Are you cold?”
The girl looked about her for a while and then back at Sasha.
“Yes I suppose”
Sasha stepped closer and took hold of her sleeve.
“This way we have a fire, it’s not far”
He then started back towards the train car gently tugging the sleeve. The girl followed silently once again returning her gaze to the ground.     

Soon Andrei joined them and all three walked in silence back to the rust orange train car with its gentle column of smoke curling into the grey sky.
Inside Andrei set about feeding the fire while Sasha helped the girl up into the relative warm of the car, the two boys bustled about for a few minuets moving things out of the way setting the fire and unpacking food for breakfast while the girl found a few boxes out of the way and sat down.

Eventually Sasha beckoned her over nearer the fire where a flat piece of metal served as a plate for some bread and a small portion of meat, the girl knelt and they ate in silence.

After the meal Andrei’ curiosity finally overwhelmed his shyness.
“How old are you?” he asked.
The girl who had once again picked up her book was now sitting propped up against the back wall of the car. 
“Nineteen….nineteen last month..”
“I’m ten, Sasha’s 12. What’s your name?” 
“Are you brothers?” The girl asked.
Sasha answered in a loud confident voice.
“We ARE brothers, but not in blood. But we are brothers just the same.”

“My name is Alena.”
“What’s your book about?” Andrei asked, this question had been fascinating him ever since he’d first seen the girl.
Alena looked at him for a while before answering her eyes cold and distant.
“It’s a story book, it’s about a young boy who lives in a small village and all the people of this village are terrified of an evil witch that lives close by. During the worst storms they hear the hags cackling carried on the wind as she casts her spells and commands the elements to sink their fishing boats and destroy houses.
The young boy is brave though and travels to the witch’s hill to try and defeat her, but when he gets there all he finds are some caves through which the strong winds howl making the sound of haunting laughter…” 

Andrei looked confused for a moment.
“So why do you carry it?”
Alena brushed a tear from her cheek and looking at the grubby green cover of the book said.
“It’s all I have left…..my family had to leave our home, we walked for hours through the darkness look for somewhere to hide until we found a ruined church….It was full of books, they were everywhere, piled on the pews strewn on the floor…..we stayed there for days and this was my favourite book…..but then…one day my father ran in he’d seen soldiers….”
Sasha suddenly jumped up, his face marked with anger and disgust.
“No! No sad stories here! In this place there is only good stories, brotherhood and happy things! There are no sad stories here” His tone softened towards the end as he looked down on Andrei.
Andrei looked scared, surprised by Sashas outburst.
“We made a promise” Andrei added “No sadness here, we are new here…free”

Alena nodded and smiled grimly.
“I promise Sasha. No sad stories”

The rest of the day went by quickly as the boys showed Alena around the train yard.
They played, collected more wood, checked traps and scavenged food until finally the sun touched the horizon and everywhere became cold and tinged with fire red.

As darkness and ice closed around them they sat in the warm glow of the fire listening to Alena read her book, and then after a time they slept.

Later that night Alena opened her eyes, it was dark and the fire was merely embers, yet the car was quite bright. Looking about her she saw pale silver moon light shooting in shafts through small windows that ran along the top of the carriage, at one of them atop a pile of boxes stood Andrei his small hand pressed against the cool glass, condensation forming a print around it.

Quietly Alena got up and moved over to him. Andrei stood staring at the full moon that shone impossibly white high above casting a ghostly shimmer across the thick frost.
As Alena approached he turned and their eyes met. Together for a moment they shared their loss and sadness, for a moment their terrible burdens where lifted as they understood and accepted.
They stood in silence for that endless moment and then Alena hugged Andrei and held him close, and in that cold pale place they were warm and at peace.

……Am I doing? Writing a post where i try to answer as many what questions as i can think of.

……Do I want? Lots of thing if I think about it but nothing more than anything else.

……Do I Do? Almost nothing, but i’m sort of skilled in computers and basic website design and traffic generation.

……Is my purpose? I’m not sure I have one but if pressed i think spending my time creating a wonderful enviroment for children to grow up in would be the most purposeful thing to do with my time.

……Is the point? I honestly don’t know, everything i’ve ever done or thought about has exactly the same feeling of pointlessness as in nothing is actually going to be all that different from what i’ve got now so why change? So if there is a ‘point’ to anything either i’ve not seen it yet or it’s far more complex.

……Do I Like? Again it’s all very flexible and hard to pin down, but i can spend the most ammount of time on Computer Games, either because they are super addictive or i just like em lol

……Do i spend my time on? Usually very little, most days involve a late start, breakfast with an episode of somekind of TV show then maybe a walk depending on weather, then back maybe lunch and more TV, lots of just sitting doing nothing or talking, then in the evening either a film or games, dinner more games or continued film and bed usually quite late.

……Am I skilled in? Nothing to any degree, i’ve spent my time doing things but never really learning anything. Computers and software useage are the only things i could claim skill in.

……Is my Problem? I think i’m limited by Existential Nihilism, which is a fancy way of saying everythings the same so whats the point. I think things through before doing them and find that basically they are in no way different that my current experiance so i don’t bother.

……Do I love? My family, and when i get focused enough everything. With enough silence and peace you realise that everything is so beautiful you can’t help but fall in love with all reality.

……Do I think about? Ah well sadly most of my time is spent rather wastefully thinking about either mind games or just random cool scenes usually involving bullet time effects. Other than that i tend to think about whats going on in the current day, or what i want to do next.

……Will Happen in the future? Well i hope i’ll finally discover a way to earn money that needs little to no effort…otherwise i’ll dawdle untill events force me to take action.

……Is the answer? If i knew that i wouldn’t feel quite so frustrated with the endless questions.

……Time is it? 16:44 (4:44) time i was outside on this rather nice warmish day.

……Will i post about next? Errrm not sure but i’m hoping to have a short story to post soon, or maybe just some more random junk if i can come up with it.

……Do you think about this idea for a post? I found it annoying and somewhat smug…but it was quite interesting to see my own answers lol

I thought i’d try writing a comic strip featuring the XL heroes i drew…..but since i can’t draw landscapes or backgrounds and don’t have the free time even if i could i am just posting the text of a comic book version rather than the images.

I’ll update it every week or so.

XL Episode One: Evality

Part one: Gone

As dawn broke and it’s golden light spread across the shining glass and steel towers of Monument City it seemed like any other day, but as the citizens of Monument started their day little did they suspect that the army of small robots that were swarming in and around Macabe Tower were just finishing their night of work.

At 10:45 on Monday morning as most citizens sat at their desks with a strange juddering that witness’ later said shook them to their cores Macabe tower from basement and sub garage to antenna vanished into thin air along with everyone inside.

Meanwhile in Sky Tower the gigantic cylindrical low orbit space station, 1131 stood in the massive command centre it’s huge domed ceiling open to the dark blue of the thin upper atmosphere. He stood alone staring at the stars, the part of him that was still human cared little for those distant points of light but within him the entity that grew stronger with every passing year longed to return to those distant places.
1131’s thoughts were suddenly interrupted as the wall screen behind glowed and the face of Monument Cities Mayor, Antrom Yeats came into focus.

His face was deeply marked with worry and he spoke with a grave tone.
“Something terrible has happened to the Macabe!”

 

I should add for those who don’t know here are my Xanga SuperHero drawings…i think there are a couple others not linked but just check my albums for all of them CLICK HERE

Yes i’ve been a bit abscent from Xanga recently but today i’ve noticed not even the Korean spam bots are visiting me anymore waaaah i’m so lonely lol

so i might just go nuts and post a bunch of random stuff to try and rejuvinate my stale blog.

 

So here is a dream i had two days ago that was weird wild stuff man.

It began in somekind of garden vaugely linked to the garden around my house but bigger, and i was walking around with a female Android (this was inspired from an episode of vintage startrek) looking for an assassin who was trying to kill a VIP i was suppose to protect, unfortunately all I had was an airsoft gun to defend myself :S

eventually after some searching we reached a gate (the gate out of my garden in reality) and again taken from reality the path out of the gate lead up to the road and a sort of parking area where we have an old white van slowly rusting to death, in the dream near the white van was a car which suddenly exploded.

Suprised me and the android approched the car only to see the VIP climbing out of the burning wreckage, as we moved to help he was cut down by a minigun fired from behind the burning car by the assassin.

While i ran at the car the android moved out to the right and fired at the assassin, I charged at the car and used it to leap over the firing line of the minigun (which was firing now at the android) and as i flew i fired my entirely useless airsoft gun at the head of the assassin, unfortunately i didn’t jump far enough and landed right in the path of the stream of lead comming from the minigun and got hit in the side, chest, arm leg and loads of other places.

Then somehow the assassin was dealt with and (this is where it gets REALLY odd) it turns out the assassin was actually….a dog, yes a dog that had transformed into a human to perform the ‘hit’ as the dream faded I and our little dog we used to have in reality were trying to gather infromation about the assassin somehow, but thats as far as the dream went.

 

Apart from the Android that was a direct pinch from StarTrek, there was nothing else in the past several weeks to have made me come up with all the other stuff….so WTF??