Month: January 2013

  • +-XZA-+ London

    ~Tales of Tokyo~

    Part One: OutBreak

    Part Two: Hack & Slacker

    Part Three: Hi I’m Jamie

    Part Four: Follow The Rules

    Part Five: For Reals

    ~Pony Tales~

    Part One: Note From Mom

    ~Fallen Saint~

    Part One: Dans Last Post

    Part Two: The Beginning of The End

    Part Three: The Fallen Saint

    Part Four: Garbage of The Dead

    Part Five: The Bell

    Part Six: Dead Men Tell No Tales


     

    Jagged grey objects loomed out of the cold mist that hung deathly quiet in the still waters flowing gently from the Thames. As their small boat approached Bede could see the harsh angular shapes of vast warships in a chaotic tide-washed jumble strewn across the coast.

    Slowly they made their way up the river as the smoke streaked skyline of the city faded into view through the mist. It wasn’t long before their path was blocked by half sunken ships and detritus washed down from the ruined metropolis.

    “Alright, well as ridiculous as it is that I’m actually saying this for real…but, you stay with the boat, I’ll go ashore.” Bede paused and looked out across the grey waterfront that faded quickly into the mist and grey buildings.
    “If I’m not back by dark…I’m probably not coming back”

    Margo looked at him silently for a while. “Alight, I’ll be here until dark” They hugged each other then, it was a kind of automatic need for reassurance that went beyond any other motivation and without another word Bede climbed over the side of the fishing boat and into a small skiff they had collected form an abandoned pier during their trip south.

    He made his way carefully to the embankment trying to limit the amount of noise his little boat made as he tied it up and climbed to the street. All around him the air was heavy with a damp cold fog which further reduced any sounds, leaving nothing but a silent light grey nothingness that extended in all directions.

    Crouching he turned on his radio receiver and this time keeping the volume to barely a whisper he turned the tuner until he reached the agreed upon setting.

    “Nushi are you out there? I’m going to make my way up to the Queen Elizabeth the second Bridge, I can’t go by water so I’ll be on foot on the northside of the river. Get in touch as soon as you can”

    He waited, listening to the quiet hissing of static. Just then a thin lonely wail pierced the enclosing fog, at first it sounded like some strange animal but as his attention focused Bede realised it was a violin. It rose and fell in a slow lamenting tune that echoed through the mist.

    Standing, Bede closed his eyes for a moment and listened to the strange echoing music, then he smiled un-slung his shotgun and made his way off into the city keeping the limpid waters of the Thames to his left.

    The violinist kept playing on and on until Bede identified it must be coming from the otherside of the river somewhere, for a while he closed and the sound got louder but soon it was once again lost in the blanket of mist as he continued towards the bridge.

    Finding a quiet spot near some waste ground Bede tried the radio again as he had done every twenty minuets since he left the boat.
    “These fucking things are useless” He muttered as he once again finished his message and stared out around himself into the enclosing greyness.

    “Well that’s not very nice” The voice sounded calm and slightly amused as it came from the receiver. “Hello! Are you there?” Bede said gripping the thing with a start.

    “Yes. I’ll be on the bridge, probably best we leave the city…it’s getting a bit tricky here” Then the static came back up and there was no further response.

    ‘Awesome!’ Bede said to himself punching his fist and picking himself up off the crate he’d been sitting on. “Finally you useless piece of sh…” Bede broke off as a dull thud thud thud and scattering of gravel broke into his awareness, suddenly out of the blank greyness a ragged human form exploded into view, its arms flailing wildly its black blood stained mouth opened wide.

    Bede grabbed his shotgun and in one quick upward ark brought the buttstock into contact with the Zombies jaw, the terrible bone crunching sound filled the fog heavy air as the creature somersaulted backwards and landed hard on the ground twitching.

    Bede moved over to it quickly and slammed his shotgun into its head three more times until it lay still. “Oh good, fast Zombies too” He muttered and made off at a quicker pace towards the bridge.  

    Following the river he finally reached an area filled with large grey cylindrical storage containers that loomed about him in the mist. He knew from research on google maps the bridge was just the otherside of them.

    Making his way through in the enclosing silence until several vast support legs came into view. Turning to his right he followed them as the level of the road slowly dropped above him. Eventually it was at grown level and he turned onto the car strewn tarmac, taking a deep breath he began up the slope.

    There had been too few zombies so far, for such a vast and populated city but he guessed that there must still be a few survivors within the city that were drawing their attention from the ragged edges, he certainly hoped so as he made his way up the lonely and exposed road bridge.

    Out over the water the fog seemed thicker and his pace slowed as the view distance closed in, his ears straining to forewarn him of anything that might be coming. Then he heard it, the scraping shuffle of footsteps.

    ‘One…two…three’ He muttered under his breath, it was definitely three or more sets and they were getting closer. He couched his shotgun to his shoulder and aimed into the swirling grey.

    “Nushi!” He called his voice barely more than a whisper. The footsteps paused, a few tense moments passed and then they restarted this time slightly more urgently. Bede backed up a couple steps and checked his escape route.

    Three gloomy figures entered the edge of his view distance, shuffling limbs hanging limply heads lolling to the side. He raised his gun again pointing at the first one on the right. Suddenly his target stiffens, stumbles and collapses.

    The other two pause for a moment then shuffle on quicker this time their heads raising to look at Bede, who in turn turns his aim on the next in line. This time he hears a ‘thunk’ and the creature moans slightly before it crumples to it’s knees, head hanging limp.

    The last zombie now sprints towards him, perhaps driven by the impending animal realisation of its meal slipping away. But before he can fire the scarred face of the man shambling towards him explodes in red and for a moment Bede sees the tip of an arrow jutting from where his eye used to be before the zombie tumbles past him and bounces off a car to lie still on the road.

    “You know” The voice startles Bede into looking back up to the first body, where a thin hooded figure is standing over it, one foot on the back of its neck as an arrow is pulled from its skull.
    “Apart form the silence” The figure moves over to the second zombie kicking it forwards before yanking the arrow from its head.
    “London hasn’t really changed that much” Close enough to see clearly now Bede can make out the thin figure of a young girl, she is wearing a sort of hooded robe over leather armour strapped to her securely to allow maximum freedom of movement.

    “Nushi! Thank god for that.” Bede says dropping his shotgun to his side. “Nice shooting by the way, I wasn’t too keen on firing this thing unless I really needed to”

    “Yes” Nushi says looking over at the double barrelled. “Not the most subtle weapon in the world is it.”
    “Are you ready to go?” Bede asks resting the shotgun over his shoulder.
    “Oh yes, I think that would be quite well timed actually…errm is the boat close by?” She replies flipping over the last body and dragging the blood red arrow from it’s skull.

    “Why?” Bede says looking nervously towards the distant side of the bridge that is completely obscured by the mist still.
    “Well, I did have to get through one of the most densely populated cities in England you know…and I think one or two might be following me” Just as she finished speaking Bede suddenly became aware of a slight tremble in the bridge.
    “One or two??!” He said looking at her his eyebrows raised, his shotgun back in both hands and pointing at the grey.
    “Perhaps one or two hundred, certainly enough that you won’t need that.” She looked down at the gun and slotted her arrows back into the quiver on her back, slinging the bow over her shoulder. “Come on” She adds turning and walking quickly and quietly into the mist back the way Bede had come.

     

  • A Dream

    I had this little scene as a dream last night.


    A large valley somewhere cold and bleak, the landscape is tundra and steppe with smooth dark brown and brooding hills in the distance.

    Within the flat valley floor a large square high walled town sits. The buildings are low and rounded, made of skins and sparse bits of pale wood, a few curls of smoke lift form the huts and tents.

    At the far end of the square walled area a large flat wooden plinth has been made and ontop of it in the middle sits a low wooden, bone and skin throne.

    Sitting on the throne is a man, he is old perhaps 50 or more and looks weather worn, his hair thin and flowing in the cold wind. But despite his age and the clear signs of battle scars and a hard life he is strong looking and very large, his body is trained and solid making him look as if he barely feels the bitter temperature of the tundra wind blowing over his exposed throne.

    His eyes are light ice blue and shine brightly as he watched the distant hills, his face a mask of worry lines and concern. He barely blinks his chin resting in his hand as he keeps up his watch.

    At his feet sits a large wardog. It is similarly battered and aged, with wisps of hair that mirror those of its master its eyes are similarly locked on the distant hills. The creature is entirely loyal and though treated harshly and brought into every fight this man has seen there is a sense of noble companionship and a deep trusting ‘brothers in arms’ relationship between this barbarian king and his dog.

    A grovelling envoy of the richer more distant realms further south stands on the dry ground before the plinth saying something of the good service and duty these brave barbarians are doing to hold back the ominous wild dangers beyond the hills.

    The king does not even look down at this man his eyes still locked in total attention on the threat of those low hills.

    The envoy finishes by looking at the wardog, at its hard scarred features and body, its loyal obedience and nobility. He says to the king that he should show a little kindness once in a while to this beast, for although it has been trained and guided through hardship it is as much in need of the softness and care of life as any other.

    To this the king looks down at the envoy and then to the dog. Within the kings mind he is aware of this need, aware that though this animal would never complain nor begrudge him or his actions he would also be heartened and strengthened by even the smallest act of kindness.

    And with this realisation the king also looks out across the low beige huts and sprawling town filled with his people, a people who have struggled thanklessly and without request for kindness for years in their selfless defence of a land far from theirs and feels within himself that same honour and resigned coldness that fills the dog, and that same waiting for even the smallest sign of approval or warmth.

  • Tunes Tuesday #3

    Holy Moles! it’s Tuesday!!! :D

    Almost forgot.

    Today we are going back in time way back to the 50′s and the classic sounds of Buddy Holly.

    I have a bit of a soft spot for this sort of music and much like Early Jazz once I got a taste for it I was hooked. This song is one of my favourites of his despite it being a little bit chauvinistic sounding to be honest o.O but then it was the 50′s -_- and it’s the piano I love the song for :]

    Well, that’ll be the day, when you say goodbye
    Yes, that’ll be the day, when you make me cry
    You say you’re gonna leave, you know it’s a lie
    ‘Cause that’ll be the day when I die

    Well, you give me all your lovin’ and your turtle dovin’
    All your hugs and kisses and your money too
    Well, you know you love me baby
    Until you tell me, maybe
    That some day, well I’ll be through

    Well, that’ll be the day, when you say goodbye
    Yes, that’ll be the day, when you make me cry
    You say you’re gonna leave, you know it’s a lie
    ‘Cause that’ll be the day when I die

    [Instrumental Interlude]

    Well, that’ll be the day, when you say goodbye
    Yes, that’ll be the day, when you make me cry
    You say you’re gonna leave, you know it’s a lie
    ‘Cause that’ll be the day when I die

    Well, when Cupid shot his dart
    He shot it at your heart
    So if we ever part and I leave you
    You sit and hold me and you tell me boldly
    That some day, well I’ll be blue

    Well, that’ll be the day, when you say goodbye
    Yes, that’ll be the day, when you make me cry
    You say you’re gonna leave, you know it’s a lie
    ‘Cause that’ll be the day when I die

    Well, that’ll be the day, hoo-hoo
    That’ll be the day, hoo-hoo
    That’ll be the day, hoo-hoo
    That’ll be the day

    And why not a second one for luck since his stuff is so short and because it’s another much more innocent and lovely song :)

    Heartbeat – why do you miss when my baby kisses me?
    heartbeat – why does a love kiss stay in my memory?
    Piddle dee pat – I know that new love thrills me
    I know that true love will be
    Heartbeat – why do you miss when my baby kisses me?
    Heartbeat – why do you skip when my baby’s lips meet mine?
    heartbeat – why do you flip then give me a skip beat sign?
    Piddle dee pat – and sing to me love stories
    and bring to me love’s glories
    Heartbeat – why do you miss when my baby kisses me?

     

  • Easy

    Having not been able to post on here as much as I’ve wanted recently I end up thinking…’What I need is something quick and easy to post’

    And immediately my mind goes to a poem…but poems are not easy o.O I guess it must just be evidence of my lack of skill in them perhaps, since i tend to go at poetry with a entirely random ‘do it on the night’ attitude.

    Ah well let’s see how it goes today :) also what’s your go to post type for a place holder or to satiate that need to update?

    =====Living Disorder=====

    Grey brown, leaf mould ground. Silent twigs bare and cold, all green and growing things seem old.

    But waiting there behind the rot, nestled in the living root. There is life and spring and bud, growing, spreading in dark and mud.

    Hold on to this spinning ball, careening through our celestial fall, the burning light of our sun will once again ignite our world bringing fire to our hearts and saplings curled.

    All life is playful chaos, a fire buring bright, setting atoms into flight through dark and endless cold, cold night.

    Do not fear the burning, the explosion of mad colour, for in our beings we are yearning for that sweet abandon and flames living power.

    ====================

  • A Bear is not just for Graduation


    This poor little chap is somekind of graduation gift for the class of 2008 (according to his hat) and I spotted him in a terrible state clutching his diploma (to be fair it is sewn to him) all disheveled and bedraggeld on the shore in a pile of seaweed while I was out walkng.

    So my bro picked him up and took him home, we stuck him in the washing machine and he’s been sitting ontop of the fire drying ever since.

    Not much more to say about him to be honest :) but I thought it was rather harsh that this little chap have his big day then be dumped into the sea. Makes me wonder which school it was and how far he has floated to get here. Lets hope the human has faired much better than his or her little furry companion.

    With luck a slightly more meaningful post will be on the way at some point :P but I thought this had to be said ;)

  • Tunes Tuesday #2

    Today I’m going for a band that I was first introduced to by another Xangan, and since then have totally fallen in love with one of thier CD’s :)

    Panic at the Disco! seem to have taken the theory that you can sing completely random words as long as the tune and melody work :P or at least thats how it first appears but as I’ve listened to them more I have found that even songs with lyrics that are totally nonsensical tell a story, and so it is with this song:

    She Had the World – by Panic at the Disco! – Pretty. Odd

    She held the world upon a string
    But she didn’t ever hold me
    Spun the stars on her fingernails
    But it never made her happy
    ‘Cause she couldn’t ever have me
    She said she’d won the world at a carnival
    But she couldn’t ever win me
    ‘Cause she couldn’t ever catch me

    I, I know why
    Because when I look in her eyes
    I just see the sky
    When I look in her eyes
    Well I, just see the sky

    I dont love you I’m just passing the time
    You could love me if I knew how to lie
    But who could love me?
    I am out of my mind
    Throwing a line out to sea
    To see if I can catch a dream

    The sun was always in her eyes
    She didn’t even see me
    But that girl had so much love
    She’d wanna kiss you all the time
    Yeah, she’d wanna kiss you all the time

    She said she won the world at a carnival
    But I’m sure it didnt ruin her
    I just made her more interesting
    I’m sure I didn’t ruin her
    Just made her more interesting

    I, I know why
    Because when I look in her eyes
    I just see the sky
    When I look in her eyes
    Well I, just see the sky

    I dont love you I’m just passing the time
    You could love me if I knew how to lie
    But who could love me?
    I am out of my mind
    Throwing a line out to sea
    To see if I can catch a dream

  • The Fantastic Journey


    A combination of the bleak and brutal book Steppenwolf and the beautiful but moving film The Fall have lead me to a rather clear view of my self.

    How long this self has been me I cannot tell, but for now this recent epiphany of sorts has shed the most piercing light thus far on my mind and life. Why it should be of any interest to others I’m not really sure, but I tend to find use in the experiance and expression of other peoples minds so perhaps my realisation will be of use or at least curiosity value to others.

    I am a Fantasist or at least currently the pattern of my life seems to hold true to that conclusion. On a side note I need to add that I cannot be sure (nor can anyone else) of anything and nothing is permanent so despite the use of language that might seem absolute I feel it is important for not only myself but others to always remember that nothing is fixed, everything inorder to live must be in a state of change, so although I might use statements that seem solid it is merely due to the fact that to add enough words to get across the endless potential in all things, would mean this post would go on for pages ;)

    By Fantasist I mean that I have been drawn and perhaps become addicted to a world of fantasy, either through my imagination, computer games, TV or Film I have for many years sought to escape and avoid ‘reality’. On another side note I have to also say that when I refer to reality what I mean is what most of us would think of as normal life. Work, money, love, friends, everything that makes up what we think of as normal. This of course cannot ever be normal nor is it possible to define one thing as reality over another. But for this post the main difference is that the reality I refer to has a sense of permanace and development, tinged with the bitterness of mistakes, flaws and potential. Where as fantasy is a far more idealised and controlled thing that has limits and although flexible can never extend beyond its given rules nor be truly entered into.

    So due I think to fear, lack of confidence and over all a lack of trust I have given myself over to fantasy. Living in worlds that are ephemeral and impossible to succeed to any great degree in. Even in computer games I tend to avoid winning or even doing that well, instead focusing on playing out that part of the game that I enjoy as dictated by the imagined world I build within and along side the game world.

    Even my personality is like an illusion. I fool myself into wanting to be something I am not, constructing an ideal personality and then never living up to it, imagining skills I never fully hone. And infact carefully sabotaging myself so as to avoid ever having to really risk or face anything.

    This fantasy world that I have constructed and try to live half in has caused nothing but partial and dissatisfying results in my experiance. Since nothing can ever live upto the controlled and solid world of fantasy and I fear and distrust any other more real choices I am always left bitter and disillusioned.

    So in an attempt to cure this emptiness I turned to self analysis and then the study of all reality as any self analysis can only lead to. Reality however is beyond us to comprehend and as you keep searching you are faced with the concept of everything. The thing about everything is that it can either be totally encompassing and give peace, or it can be totally empty and lead to a vast nihilism.

    Aparently it was the nihilism that caught my attention.

    So given no peace by the sheer open ended emptiness of perception and too scared to trust the loving embrace of everything. I fell back on fantasy, and why not? in a fantasy there is nothing to fear, because you can be as much or as little as you like, nothing you do or say can ever really go anywhere and other than the slow and all too ignorable passage of time there is no risk.

    And thats about it, as with all such things I really don’t know what to do with my epiphany having now had it. For a lot of my life i’ve not wanted more than my fantasy, it has given me everything and taken nothing but time. However now that the gnawing desires for more or something different have set in I am faced with a strange inability to move or change, all my actions seem to fade to dust or lead nowhere.

    Up until today I couldn’t figure out why this kept happening but now I’m starting to see the pattern, good or bad, success or failiure doesn’t really matter because it all means one thing, breaking my fantasy. And as long as I refuse to trust and hold onto this ghostly imagined world then I’ll never commit to the change I am currently convinced I want.


     

     

  • +-XZA-+ The Boat

    ~Tales of Tokyo~

    Part One: OutBreak

    Part Two: Hack & Slacker

    Part Three: Hi I’m Jamie

    Part Four: Follow The Rules

    Part Five: For Reals

    ~Pony Tales~

    Part One: Note From Mom

    ~Fallen Saint~

    Part One: Dans Last Post

    Part Two: The Beginning of The End

    Part Three: The Fallen Saint

    Part Four: Garbage of The Dead

    Part Five: The Bell


    Part Six: Dead Men Tell No Tales

    They camped out in the relative safety of the container for the rest of the night and at the first pale light of dawn jumped down into the prow of the boat.

    It seemed to have been the last hope of some other survivors and was well stocked with both fuel and some extra supplies. For a moment both Bede and Margo half expected the owners to come running from across the dock, but once they searched the lower deck they discovered what had happened.

     

    Within the hold a large supply room had been setup, strewn across the floor were cans of food, guns, ammunition and four bodies. One a young woman was slumped by the wall a bullet hole in her head, she lay as she had fallen her right hand pressed over a dark red bite mark on her wrist.

     

    In front of her was a man crumpled to the ground over her legs, his torso was scattered with bullet holes from a shotgun that lay on the body of the third corpse, an older woman who had been thrown back against the bulk head by the impact of the mans hand gun.

     

    The final body was sat in the corner a pistol still hooked loosely in his right hand where it had fallen when he fired it through the top of his own head.

     

    They stared at the scene for a few silent minuets, before Margo turned and walked out without saying a word. Bede dropped to his haunches and looked around the hold.

    “Not yet” He said clenching his jaw and standing, he paused again for a moment looking over at the young man slumped in the corner, ‘Not yet’ he thought and stooped to grab the legs of the older woman.

     

     

    The trip south was surprisingly quiet and easy, they stayed away from the coast but never too far for fear of bad weather. The boat was easy to handle and the food was plentiful, they didn’t talk much for the first day or two finding it hard to shake the experience of the city, but eventually as the miles slipped by they relaxed and discussed the next step.

     

    “I just don’t think it’s worth it, you saw how bad Edinburgh was, and now you want to go to London?” Margo said rubbing her face with her hands then crossing her arms hugging her self tightly.

    “I know, I know it sounds crazy to me too…but I made a promise” Bede rested his head back against the bulk head looking up at the soft orange light of the storm lantern swinging above them.

    “I don’t think that in this situation you can really be blamed for breaking your word!” Margo said with a tone of exasperation.

    “What if I’d said that in Edinburgh?” Bede shot back lifting his head off the wall and staring into Margos eyes. “I almost didn’t come for you, you know…when I saw how bad it was” He added.

     

    Margo sighed “Aye but when you did you almost got killed” She said resting her head in her hands and speaking towards the table.

    “Yeah I know” Bede gazed into the middle distance as he recalled the glorious shower of broken glass that had heralded Margos approach in the truck that had saved his life. “Look you don’t owe me anything, we’re even as far as i’m concerned. But if we are on our own then you’re basically gambling with every second, you stumble, or get too tired and sleep unprotected, or eat something and get sick and that’s it. You’re done. But if we are together and we keep finding more people we can trust, then…then we have the odds in our favour.”

    He paused and re-focused on the top of Margos head, her pale blonde hair white gold in the orange light.

     

    “Okay” She sighed and lifted her head, looking back at him her face heavily lined with fear and tiredness.

    He got up and helped her out of her chair, holding her tight against him as they walked towards the small bunks. “It’s going to be okay Margo, the only good thing about all this is it’s made things terribly simple, all we have to do is survive. Thats it. ‘Immortal until Death’…always thought would be a good t-shirt” He chuckled as he squeezed her shoulders.

     

    As she slept Bede went back on deck for first watch, all around him the sea glinted with white grey and inky black blue, off in the distance he could make out the pale ghostly coast slowly slipping by. For as far as he could see both north and south there wasn’t a single light, nor even the distant dirty orange glow of a far off city centre, beyond the rhythmic thrumming of the boat engine and crashing waves against the hull it was as if the entire UK was silent, a quietly resting corpse waiting to be awakened.

  • Tunes Tuesday

    Some of you may know @annieothergirl and her always enjoyable Music Monday, well not wanting to infringe on her copyright welcome to Tunes Tuesday! ;) hehe

    Lets begin this very first post of Tunes Tuesday with a classic of Ska by Don Drummond: Man In The Street.

    A massive collection of Ska music is what I use to warm up with for my workout, because nothing gets you moving your body quite like early Ska :]

    And by way of thanks to Annie for being generally lovely and for always posting up cool music I thought I’d make her this Music Mondy logo while I was making my one :)

  • Fun with Facial Hair

    Grew quite a beard over the last month or so, and finally I shaved it off but not before having some fun ;)

    The before shot.

    The Goteed greaser look.

    The Beckham lol

    The Evil Rogue look.

    The Rogue plus Fedora AKA The Venutian Shadow ;)

    And now you’ll probably be pleased to hear I am back to clean shaven, not sure i’m quite ready for facial hair ownership yet :P