September 19, 2011

• ‘Sold your soul for senseless gain’

  (Title a rather appropriate lyric from Barkley James Harvest)
  
  So whats my problem?
  Well rather boringly it’s about money.
  
  Basically my family is pretty damn poor, we live in comfort but we are only just holding on, and since i’m pretty much totally unemployed (or employable, due to lack of any qualifications and a pretty rubbish small area economy) I’ve been using the Internet to try and generate an income.
  
  This is not as easy or quick as the online money guys tell you it is!!….yeah big suprise huh? :S
  
  Problem is that while your working towards this stuff you get hit with loads of sales stuff about ‘short cuts’ or ‘new systems’ some of them are good…some are cons, but all of them can be distractions to just focusing on ONE system untill you’ve started to earn and THEN you can go and spend your profits on other routes.
  
  But sadly this rule was not held to recently and another huge outlay has been added to the bill…which in turn adds to the pressure and guilt i’m already piling onto myself.
  
  But the real double whammy is the fact that it took a lot of careful re-education of myself to not judge internet marketing as a bad thing, which is what it so easily can be. Theres so much i don’t like about it that things get tricky if i start to forget all the goodsides….and this new purchase which is supposed to make us rich, is just all kinds of wrong in my book.
  
  It wasn’t entirely my call, but i could have stopped it if i’d just had a god damn spine, but no i folded to what i didn’t believe in or agree with and now i’m stuck even more guilty, working on a project i don’t believe in and unable to get on with the systems i actually do like. And if that wasn’t enough my whole confidence is now shaken in what i’m trying to do.
  
  I’m seriously at the point where i just agreed with myself that i’d do whatever i could to start earning badly needed funds….but i’ve over the last day had to face the choice between my principals and morals and money, it’s pretty fucking horrible. I stress myself easily enough but with the pressure of needing money and then facing this dilemma….it’s been a sucky day.
  
  Urrrggh, I hate this and i’m not a big fan of whining either, but sometimes you just gotta vent
  
  And it once again gives me a really good reason to go all gooey over Xanga and my friends.
  I’m not often here asking for support or laying my problems out but even just with my pulse it really dose mean so much when people come by to help out and encourage, it’s one of the most wonderful features of the internet (and yes it’s better than porn ) so THANK YOU
  
  Best thing about to day was the comments on my pulse …..and watching CougarTown

  • 8:37 pm
  • 8 Comments