January 1, 2011

• My Invisible Sister

  The Newyear makes me think of something quite interesting that happened a couple years ago.
  As is often the case my uncle and aunt had come up to us for Christmas and New years and we were having a jolly time of it generally chatting and getting more than a little intoxicated. And this particular night it was getting late and we sort of hit the perfect level of alcohol and familiarity to just be comfortable to share and talk with no sense of embarrassment or self consciousness.
  It was really nice because my brother was having a convo with my Uncle and my dad was talking with my Aunt and I was talking with my Mum and we were all just chatting away having these really amazing conversations all at the same time.

  But the really interesting thing was what my mum ended up telling me about my birth.
  I’ve known for ages that I wasn’t actually born I was a caesarean but what I didn’t know was that I almost had a twin sister.

  What was even more amazing to me and quite moving was that as far as I understand My sister was originally the only one the doctors found and when she died they even began procedures to clear out the womb before they found me, I think what saved me was the fact I was headed the wrong way (hence the need for the caesarean) but I can’t help thinking about how unlikely and incredible the whole situation was and how I sort of owe my Sister my life, I think I even have her name my mum said that if they’d have had a girl they would have chosen Bede for her too.

  So how long did I spend with my sister? How much did I know about her existence? To some she didn’t really exist yet but perhaps her death meant my life and I can’t help but wonder what she would have been like, what my life would have been like if she’d survived. What she looked like even.
  I’m not really sure what to make of it really, She almost feels real like a memory you can’t quite put a name to but that could also just be imagination what was most interesting to me is that after I was told about her she became my conscience to an extent I felt like I wanted to be better because of her sacrifice, not that that even makes much sense lol
  But still whoever she was I’m grateful to my sister and feel like it’s my part to give her life through my imagination, so here’s to my guardian angel twin sister I promise to live my life as close to my ideals as I can.

  And now an attempt to capture this as a poem…..be kind

  We entered this universe together we lived for a time in quiet warmth close to our mother, sharing her hearts beat and rhythm.

  Did we know each other? Were we alone or together.

  Something within that peaceful Eden went wrong and almost as soon as you’d come you were gone.

  Did you leave for me? Should I have gone too.

  Now that I’m grown and have lived part of my life I learn of you and your passing and how I carry your name, my mind hears the words my heart feel the pain.

  Did you exist? What dose any of this change.

  My guardian angel, you’re my invisible sister, my other half, my twin.
  I’ll live for you I’ll breath you life I’ll share my luck my love, my thoughts and if you’ll be there within and keep me from being alone and guide me to what I know is right we will be together from our start to the end of this life.

   

  • 5:00 pm
  • 16 Comments